What Snowboarders Say vs. What They Really Mean

We are all guilty of being economical with the truth sometimes...

I’ve worked most my seasons in Mayrhofen, although I did a couple out in Whistler as well.

I went on a skiing trip to France with the school. It was cold. I was shit.



Me and the boys are saving hard to go to AK next season.

I watched Bear Grylls In Alaska last night, semi tubose.



My crew are regulars at freestyle night at the dome.

Me and my mate Oliver went to freestyle night once, but we got scared.



I’ve got a backside five on lock, son!


I over-rotated a back three a few weeks ago. My shoulder still hurts.



Gym? Squats? No way, bro, I’m core.

I’m really lazy and the bigger boys at the gym scare me.



I was there when Gumby stacked that big air backflip in ’95.


I’ve found one of my brother’s old copies of White Lines.

I taught Jamie Nichols how to frontside boardslide.


I went to Castleford once and I’m sure Jamie Nichols was there. I think. Somebody was there. Definitely somebody.



My physio’ told me not to charge too hard after the injury.

I keep falling off the lift because I got an owie.



Me and my crew be getting crunk on RV juice tonight!

Two for one on WKD blue in Spar. Winner.



I mostly spend the summers skating. This year I’m thinking of going to Cornwall to learn how to shape boards, too.

I’ve applied for a job stacking shelves in ASDA. You’ve got to have a dream.



Yeah, my sponsors hook me up with gear, which is pretty sweet.

Daddy buys me everything.



Fuck those corporate pricks and their, cookie cutter boards. I’m punk rock.

I couldn’t afford a new board for this season, so I got this off eBay.



I’m so over the whole triple-cork thing. This isn’t snow-nastics.

Man, I wish I could go upside down, just once. Once!


I’m doing a bit of filming at a comp in Holland this weekend if I can find a cheap flight.

I’m doing a bit of filming at a comp in Holland this weekend if my other-half lets me.

Snowboarding’s lost its soul, maaaan. It’s not what it used to be.

I’m 38.



Dude, just send it!

You go first, that looks fucking terrifying.



Snowboarding has given me the best friends I never knew I had.

I am alone.



I’ve got that Aimee Fuller chirpsing me on Tinder

 So, so alone.



Fuck the five ringed circus, bro. Snowboarding has no place in the Olympics.

I can’t afford to go to the Olympics, I’m at work when it’s on TV, and I’m sure as shit not good enough to actually be selected for team GB.



Lift passes are for punters. Don’t waste your money.

I spend 12 hours a day with my hands down a chalet toilet. I have no use for a lift pass.

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