You don’t have to be cliched hip-hop tat collector Lil’ Jon to appreciate some of the nicer things in life. Be it a memory foam mattress, or a temperature control kettle, some things are worth paying a little extra for.
However, every now and again a product hits the shelves that so needlessly flashy, overblown, and expensive that it leaves us speechless.
Here’s our collection of the most ridiculously ostentatious action sports gear that will make the Rich Kids of Instagram moist in their Versace loafers.
1) The Gold Skateboard
New York skate store SHUT commissioned artist Matthew Willet to design and make them a gold skateboard.
Now, we’re not talking the gold painted boards that Primitive Skateboards are putting out. Nah, this is a one-off, 99.999% gold plated, fully working* complete deck.
If you’re interested, it can be yours for a mere $15,000. The store will even throw in a pair of cotton gloves free of charge.
*We say fully working. We don’t know if Curren Caples is going to be kick-flipping it over the gap any time soon
2) The Gold Plated Snowboard Boot
The New York artist produced them after Nike selected him and 11 other artists to contribute items to their 2012 Shoe Shine show.
While these probably aren’t the most functional boots available, they’re perfect if you want to look like Brian Blessed’s character from Flash Gordon.
3) The Gold, Leather, And Carbon Fibre Snowboard Binding
So, you’ve forked out for some gold snowboard boots, but how about your bindings. You need something equally as flashy. Fear not, Flow are already one step ahead of you.
Made from 24karat old, real leather and carbon fibre, the Flow 24Real SE has to be the most ostentatious mass-produced binding ever.
They’re the manufacturers uber high-end binding so, as with all Flow products, you know they’re going to be good. That said, if your back 3 is shit, we’re not sure these will do anything to improve it.
Flow don’t list these on their website any more (maybe shame caught up with them?) but we’ve found a few available online. They can be yours for around about £800. Bargain!
4) The Diamond Encrusted Skis
Any list of overly expensive and flashy products wouldn’t be complete without a brief trip into the world of skiing, and this one is no different.
In 2008, “Luxury Sportswear” manufacture LaCroix produced a set of skis that would test the bank account of even the wealthiest Toby d’la Bellend in Aspen. For around £40,000 you get a pair of skis complete with hand layered diamonds running down them.
The imaginatively named PT Diamond skis apparently give the rider the “ultimate in skiing sensations”. Weirdly, we’ve never seen Franz Klammer ripping on a pair.
5) The Gold Mountain Bike
With any half decent mountain bike already costing the same as a family car, you know a bike in this collection is going to set you back a pound or two. And sure enough, you’ll need a cool $1 million to add this ride to you collection.
Only 13 will be made, so get saving now if you want one. For your money you get a mountain bike, almost completely coated in 24karat gold. The badge on the front of the bike alone is made with 600 black diamonds, and 500 golden sapphires.
Morrissey won’t be happy about it, as the saddle is finished in real alligator leather, and the water bottle (also gold plated, obviously) has a chocolate brown stingray leather cover.
The folks selling this say it’s a fully functional bike, but we have to question the durability of disk brakes or chains made from such a notoriously soft metal.
6) The Wooden Surfboard
Hand crafted by the legendary shaper Roy Stuart, the 10’6” Rampant surfboard is made from super-lightweight Paulownia wood, and features a Vort-X tunnel fin that enables it to cut through the water at up-to 35 mph.
Just to add a bit of flash, the Rampant features a 23karat gold lion logo. You can’t have the punters thinking this is just any old board now, can you.
You’ll definitely to spend any change you have left on a leash. Assuming, of course, you’re mad enough to paddle out on this.