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The History of Skateboarding number 37 , The Ollie Impossible .
"You're just like your mother Rodney," bellowed Mr. Mullen , "although she's got slightly bigger balls . " he continued .
"The way you creep around really makes me feel sick , you little twat. And I'm forbidding you to skateboard again EVER , thats NEVER. Are you listening to me Rodney ?" spat Mr. Mullen.
"Yes." croaked Rodney , tears welling up in his eyes.
"Yes what ?" snapped Mr . Mullen
"Yes Sir ." spluttered Rodney.
"And whats more , I don't want you to ever see your little cocksucking californian chums EVER again . I hate that bunch of kooks . Especially that little prick Steve , he's such a gobshite . And that Stacey . Is he a gay ? Do you hear me Rodney? NEVER EVER again . None of those twats ."
"Yes Sir ." grizzled Rodney staring at the floor.
"Now fuck off you disgusting little shit ".Thundered Mr. Mullen ," If i ever see or hear you prancing around on that stupid toy again I'll kill you . "
"Yes Sir ." Rodney grizzled again , his face all puffed up , tears streaming down his cheeks .
Rodney shuffled down to the cellar to take one last look at his beloved skateboard . He knew that it would be last time they were to spend time together and he wanted to make it special. Standing on his skateboard with clenched fists raised to the heavens and tears of frustration streaming down his face Rodney ploughed his back foot into his kicktail . Unexpectedly the board twizzled around his back foot , caressing the pigeon like appendage as it span . Rodney seized the moment and pounced upon his revolving steed . " Oh my god ." he proclaimed to the world , "I've invented the Ollie impossible ."
"The implications of the invention of this manoeuvre are wide and far reaching . Decades from now skateboarding communities the world over will be divided as to the legitimacy of this trick . In the right hands it could be lethal , and in the wrong , a bit of a flop. Is it mesh or fresh , tech or wreck ? Oh my god , I must tell my father . Maybe when he finds out that I'm a skateboarding pioneer he will allow me to continue . "
Rodney took three stairs at a time out of the cellar and dashed to his fathers study . The darkness had lifted and all that was left was light.
"Daddy, " he announced , " I've invented the Ollie Impossible . A skateboard manoeuvre so difficult and obscure that it is to puzzle stoned teenagers for many years after both of us are pushing up daisies . I cannot underestimate the importance of my invention . Its single execution in any session will act as an open forum for international skateboarding culture to discuss everything under the sun . " whimpered Rodney , " Daddy , now that I'm one of the pioneers of technical street skateboarding does it mean that i may continue my passion ? "
Mr. Mullen looked up from his dental records and began , "Three things Rodney , are you listening ? "
" Firstly , if you ever burst into my study again without knocking first I'm going to kick the shit out of you . Is that understood Rodney ? "
"Yes sir. " said Rodney his feverish excitement instantly becoming drained.
" Secondly , If i ever hear you yelling oxymoronic statements again you're dead . Much as appreciate the difficulty of your new trick , to call it the Ollie impossible is illogical to say the least . And what with all those shit books you read about science and that , you cretin . At the very least i would suggest you named it the Ollie improbable , you fuck ." spewed Mr. Mullen aggressively gesticulating in his sons face.
"And thirdly ," continued Mr. Mullen .
" Just fuck off Rodney . and close the door on the way out . You nob . "