1) Don’t listen to anyone who says you should go mountain biking in Scotland

2) They’re joking. They have to be...

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3) As you can see, it’s not exactly too easy on the eyes

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4) It is literally always raining...

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5) ...and the clouds block out the sky the majority of the time

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6) The scenery is awful anyway, though, so the clouds don’t even matter

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7) Like totally awful

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8) Really, really bad

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9) The trails are all the same

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10) They’re too... simple

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11) ...too short

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12) ...and too man-made. There’s nothing natural

Photo: Ruaridh Cunningham / instagram: @rc_mtb

13) It’s basically flat in most places in Scotland

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14) ...and when there is uphill, there’s no reward for it

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15) You have to leave the trails super early to get back to your home or accommodation for the night...

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16) So you can’t stray too far in one day

Scotland south east Cairngorms in may.

17) ...or go on any proper adventures

34 reasons you should never go mountain biking in scotland

18) The beer is shit

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19) And the whisky is even worse

glenfiddich

20) Subsequently, they have absolutely no idea how to throw a party

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21) The locals are far too tame for that kind of shenanigans

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22) The wildlife is also shit

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23) Like, actually painful to look at

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24) It’s all just ugly mainland roads and mud

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25) And that ‘right to roam’ nonsense means the half-decent outdoor spots are all overcrowded

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26) The trails are always packed too

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27) You’ll exhaust the 7stanes trails in a day or two

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28) Fort William only has one run

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29) It’s all just a bit... dreich, all of the time

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30) Grey, grey, grey, grey, grey

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31) All the riding is way too far away from the city

Sunny Edinburgh and green hills in summer

32) It’s not as if you can just go riding in the woods by your house...

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30) ...or on some hills 15 minutes ride away

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31) You’ve got to drive hours to hit the trails

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32) ...and what do you get when you get there?

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33) Don’t bother going mountain biking in Scotland

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34) It’s just not worth the effort...

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35) And they’ll probably try make you eat haggis

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