Here at Mpora, we don’t hate football. Hell, our five-a-side team is currently second in the Action Sports Journalists Who Hate Football League. No, we’re not anti-football, we just prefer other things, like skating.
But, when we posted this Skaterboarders Vs. Footballers video recently, it sparked quite a debate over which is better. Now we can settle that argument. Here are 10 indisputable reasons why skateboarding is better than football.
You Don’t Have To Dress Like A Billboard For Betting Companies
Football is big business. And, yes, so is skateboarding. The difference is, that footballers walk around dressed like bill boards for Eastern gambling companies, air lines you’ve never heard of, South American beer… just about any company willing to help fund those extraordinary wages.
For some reasons, football fans then pay to wear the same shirts. Strange. Presumably it’s in the belief that wearing a Real Madrid shirt will make them play like Ronaldo.
In skateboarding, you can wear whatever you want. Yes, there are trends, fashions, styles, but nobody is dictating what you have to wear. Your wardrobe is free.
You Wont Get Dragged Into Dull Conversations About The 1974 Blackburn Rovers Team
“Of course, when I was your age, I’d go to ever game. Home and away" lies the beer-stained old man in the pub you’ve gone in for a swift pint.
Next thing you know, two hours of your life have been stolen as he tells you about some shitty local team reaching the 3rd round of the FA cup, some shitty old pro who never forgot his roots, and some shitty coach that took him and his shitty mates to a shitty stadium in Doncaster in 1974 to see shitty Blackburn Rovers do something involving a shitty free kick.
Football is littered with pointless folklore that people are just itching to unleash on you, whether you want them to or not.
However, turn up to the pub with your deck under your arm and, aside from a few suspicious looks, no tales about a riding the trannies at the Civic Centre in Wolverhampton, or that time some group all went to France to skate Lyon will be forced upon you.
Skateboarding is a bullshit free zone
No Desperate Politicians Trying To Get On Board To Look Cool
Football, so the myth goes, is the working mans game. We’re not sure that’s still true, with tickets to some games on the being sold for £97 each. Still the politicians buy into this, and pretend to be football fans in a bid to appeal to the White Van vote.
Imagine the shame felt by Aston Villa fans when PM David Cameron said he was also a fan of the Midlands club. Horrifying. Skateboarding, on the other hand, is political kryptonite.
The suits don’t like to venture near such grubby, urban pursuits. So, aside from Boris Johnson lending his support to the Save The South Bank Appeal, skateboarding remains politician free, and with its dignity and credibility intact.
You can Do It With People You Actually Like
The people you skate with are your friends. You hit skate spots together, bomb hills together. You might even go on road trips to find that one epic skate spot in some other city that you saw in Sidewalk Magazine. There is no room for arseholes in the group. You’re a tight-knit crew who’ve always got room on the sofa and a warm meal for each other.
As anybody who’ve ever played the ‘beautiful game’ will confirm, this is not the case in football. Within the 11 players (and three hungover subs) there’s usually two, maybe three people you actually like. The rest of them? The arrogant one, the boarder-line psychopath, the shifty one, the hygienically-challenged one, the rich one, the “I could have been a contender" one… they’re pricks.
And they’re pricks that you’re stuck with if you want to play 90 minutes each week. Football is a prison, and these are your inmates.
Skaters Don’t Whine Like Spoilt Little Girls
A skater slams hard. It hurts, They go numb for a second. Then they get up and go again.
A footballer has another player brush against him. He hits the floor. He stays there. He then rolls over. And again. And a third time. Is he dying? Oh, no. Just cheating.
Yes, we know footballers roll around on the floor and feign injury to gain an advantage, not because they’re weak or have a low pain threshold. This may be an explanation, but it’s not an excuse. It’s shameful behaviour. It’s dishonourable behaviour. It’s pathetic behaviour. Skateboarding, it is not.
There Aren’t Any (Constantly Changing) Rules
Skateboarding has one rule: don’t be a dick. That’s it. Simple.
It doesn’t change, people don’t sit and debate it, and pretty much everyone respects it. Football on the other hand… it’s a different kettle of fish.
Just take the offside rule – sports great mystery. It seems to change every week, and hours are spent in pubs discussing whether the bloke with the Side Show Bob haircut was playing the other bloke who looks like a pirate onside or not. Nobody knows, and nobody cares.
This isn’t the beautiful game, this is the game bogged down with pointless bureaucracy and rules that only serve as a way for pathetic men to talk about in pubs so they can avoid going home.
There Aren’t A Series Of Ridiculous Songs That You Have To Learn The Words To
Fair play to football fans, they must send hours coming up with ways to not just crowbar players like Jan Venegoor of Hesselink into songs, but also to get their names to rhyme with something. Impressive. (Former Reading winger Wayne Wanklyn was probably a little easier to work with).
But as football fans are part of a big pack where fitting in is a must, so if you want to do that, you need to learn the complicated words to songs about players that are long retired. Get these wrong and you'll find yourself shunned on the terraces.
Skateboarding doesn't adhere to such primeval pack mentality. There are no songs. No chants. No bullshit. Just put some Rage Against The Machine through your headphones and skate.
The Possibility Of Broken Bones Is Marginally Lower. Marginally
A lot of skateboarders we know have had a skate-related injury at some time or another. We don’t know anybody that plays football regularly that hasn’t broken at least one bone.
The reason you even know the word metatarsal is because footballers have a habit of snapping them more frequently than they sleep with each others wives. So, if you’re not a fan of A&E (or at least want to visit it slightly less) put down the ball, and pick up a skateboard.
You can Skate Without Having A Fat Dad Shouting “Snap Him" from The Side Lines
Some skate spots are perfectly secluded, leaving you to skate in peace. Some of the more famous ones, like the legendary South Bank in London often attract a crowd of astonished spectators. Tourists and fellow skaters alike gasp is hushed reverence as somebody lands a fliptrick of a bank.
You don’t get this with football. Whether it’s at the highest level, or a game of Sunday league, the pitch is lined with people shouting “man on" “snap him", and generally questioning the legitimacy of the referee's parenthood.
It’s a bear-pit of abuse and ridicule that was forged in the nineteenth century and should have stayed there.
The City Is Yours
Football is restricted to where you can play. I you want a proper game you need a field, two goals, 21 other people, and a ball. Even if you wanted a quick kick about you still have to find a handful of friends, a place with no smashable windows, and where cars won't come and mow you down every two seconds.
With skateboarding, the city is yours. What? You don’t live in the city? Not a problem. Anywhere there’s tarmac an and a bit of space, you’ve got yourself a skate spot. You explore, discover, and skate.
From shopping precinct hand rails and secret spots under bridges, to town hall step ledges and back garden pools. You are unrestricted. You are free.