skiing-front-flip-fails-oof

Skiers (latin: skius erectus). You've got to love them. Up until 1993, they roamed the snow capped mountains freely, dressed distinctively in neon onsies and, during mating season, really silly hats.

But then, something changed. Our best guess is a meteorite collided with the planet which caused the species to spend a decade slowly copying snowboarders (Latin: arsus bruisium). Skiers once brightly coloured clothing suddenly became baggy, and earthy in colour, and they started trying tricks.

Today, skiers have evolved as a species that are equal, and some would say even better than snowboarders, at riding all over the mountain, hooning off jumps and nailing tricks.

At least, some of them are. For others, the nobel front flip remains an evolutionary leap too far. These missing links are prime examples.

1) Tree-mendous

An early contender for the Greatest Ski Front Flip Into A Tree In A Foreign Language Oscar goes to this poor fella. This slam cost him three days off the mountain.

2) 25% Extra Free

Ah, the mogul field. The one place skiers feel superior to snowboarders. Err, there and on the flat. And from within luxury penthouses paid for by daddy because he felt guilty about sleeping with that 22 year old from accounts.

Anyway... this chap overcooks his fronty, and ends up with a mouth full of shit. As did the 22 year old from accounts. BAD DAD! BAD!

3) 25% Off

This grom looks the part, in his over-sized park rat coat, and the casual hand behind the back. Full steeze. Until, of course, he goes sliding on his arse down the slope after under cooking his boink off the twink-step.

4) Scorpion

Remember the 'Fatality' finisher on Mortal Combat where the loser would be flung off a ski jump, only to slam onto their face with their legs going over their head, their spine bending like a backwards C?

No. Of course you don't. It never happened.

VIDEO GAMES HAVE FAILED US!

5) In The Ditch? Please, In The Ditch...!?

Given the amount of mud, rocks and, of course, the water filled ditch, there's a lot that could have gone wrong here.

We haven't been this disappointed since the vicar carrying a box of dildos across a tight-rope above a jelly factory at the start of an episode of Casualty ended up with an infected splinter off the ladder he used to climb down from the roof.

Stupid vicar.

Stupid skiers.

Stupid, selfish skiers.

Stupid, sexy Flanders.

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6) No Ski

Remember Normski off TV? You know, Normski. Normski Normski.The dude who presented snowboard show Board Stupid on Channel 4, along side Brother Phil? And He did a load of 'yoof TV' on BBC two in the mid 90's? Dated Jannet Street Porter for a while? No? Too young?

Oh well, he's nothing to do with this dude and his skis falling off mid front flip anyway.

7) No Skis At All

Who remembe....

Despite the lack of skis, this beauty cannot be left out of any collection of front flip fails. So posh. Such high expectation. And such a delightful duo-fail.

Text book Toby-ing, haps. Rah rah rah. Polo.

8) Highland Fling

Finbar Doig, the chap who uploaded this video, wrote "First day up Cairngorm ... I was trying to do frontflips which I didn't really do."

Finbar, you are quite correct, sir. A for honesty, F for front flips.

9) Front...

In his book 'Me On Ståle', renowned ski philosopher Dr Joseph Cavanagh dedicated an entire chapter on what he simply calls a "Back".

In essence, a 'back' is a back flip where the skier doesn't fully commit, only completing half the manoeuvre. Half the manoeuvre equals half the name.

As such, the above abomination, if the logic follows, has to be a 'Front'.

NB: 'Me On Ståle' is not available in the shops. And that's because we made it up.

10) Front Flip Cold Dick

Fans of seeing naked German men on skis going off insanely large kickers and front flipping only to land too hard, completely compress, and stack it big time will be delighted by this clip where a naked German man on skis goes off an insanely large kicker and front flips only to land too hard, completely compressing, and stacking it big time.

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