1) "Do you really need two snowboards?"

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No. No I do not. I need many, many more than two

2) "And why so many beanies?"

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Why do you have so many SHUT UP

3) "Don't you get cold?"

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You've kind of answered your beanie question yourself now, haven't you

4) "I like snowboarding as well. I love that Shaun White"

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Give me another name. I dare you

5) "So, how exactly do you get up the mountain?"

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I either fly up using my magical mind powers, or I get the ski lift

6) "Is the ski lift free?"

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You're preaching to the choir here, amigo.

8) "Can you do tricks like that?"

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A quadcork? You think I can do a quadcork?

9) "But you can do, like, one backflip, right?"

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You're asking that from a loving place, right?

10) Why do you wear a hat all of the time?

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Why do you dress like a TopShop spunk-cup all of the time?

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11) "Why are you so obsessed with Japan?"


Please stop talking

12) "Wouldn't you rather go on a nice beach holiday?"

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No, because people like you will be there

13) "When are you going to grow out of it?"

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I'd punch you in the face if it wasn't against some moral and ethical code

14) "Can you ski?"

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Can you not be a wang?

15) "Have you seen Chalet Girl?"

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Is that the film with the annoying prick asking stupid questions?

16) "But, you can't actually snowboard in the UK, so what's the point?"

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There are some very angry people looking for you

17) "I bet you have tattoos, don't you?"

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I think you're confusing the act of snowboarding with being the human Lil Wayne

18) "I bet you like Metallica, don't you?"

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I actually hate the swagging rock scrotums-cysts only a little less than I hate you right now

19) "Aren't snowboarders just a bunch of pot-heads?"

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Christ, Mum! For the final time, I thought it was oregano!

20) You know snowboarding's a fad though, right?

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Yeah, they said that about the computer as well, didn't they.

21) "Why do you all wear such silly clothes?"

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You do know you're wearing what you yourself describe as a 'unitard', don't you?

22) "Don't your trousers fall down, being so baggy?"

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Almost as much as your gran's knickers 'fell down' during the war

23) "Will you be alright getting the button lift?"

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Let's be honest here. We both know the answer is 'no, so why even ask?

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