If you're lucky enough to still be a student, January means two things:
1) Free money, aka the second student loan payment of the year (OK so technically you have to pay it back at some stage but that's so far in the future that frankly, who cares?) and...
2) The booking of the infamous University Ski & Snowboard Trip – a week where students from all over the UK descend on a selection of unfortunate European ski resorts to rinse the bars of booze and generally offend locals with their outrageous behaviour and disturbing fancy dress creations. Oh, and occasionally do some snowboarding. Or skiing.
"It's a week where students descend on an unfortunate European ski resort to rinse the bars of booze and generally offend locals with their outrageous behaviour"
But as much as it’s about doing the things that make the week so awesome, it’s also about making sure you steer clear of a few schoolboy errors…
We’ve been kind enough to put together a list of mistakes you should avoid committing at all costs on your university ski trip.
We want to make sure you nail your trip – from the coach journey there to the coach journey home. Don’t let these fuck ups catch you out at any point… Or at least, if they do, make sure your mates have photo evidence of the ensuing chaos.
1) Drink A Shit Load Of Beer Before You Get On The Coach
It’s exciting when you and your mates meet at the campus bar before leaving for Dover, so a drink is always on the cards. For sure, see in the holiday with a pint.
Fuck it, maybe even nail a few jaegers if you’re feeling a bit crazy, but don’t drink a bucketful of booze before getting on the coach. I guarantee that the toilet will be out of order and you’ll be bordering on pissing yourself until you reach the ferry.
2) Piss Off The Coach Driver
3) Wind Up A Bouncer
Unlike you, these guys aren’t happier for being in a ski resort – in fact, they probably fucking hate the cold.
They will not find your fancy dress funny and definitely won’t take any of your testosterone-fuelled bullshit. Don’t push your luck with them. You will never win…
4) Wear Fancy Dress on the Hill
You may think it’s wacky, but trust me, dressing up in a banana outfit for skiing just makes you look and ride like a prick.
Save the silly costumes for the nightclubs when you’re surrounded by others dressed up as cowboys, animals or inappropriate priests.
5) Throw Up In The Apartment
Whether you are staying with friends or randomers, don’t be that douche that throws up in the apartment.
The rooms smell bad enough with a mix of cheap cheese, sweaty snowboard socks and hangover shits – keep the chundering outside the apartment at all times.
6) Think You Can Pole Dance
It’s a lot harder than it looks. A stint on a pole in some resort bar will inevitably get out of hand and you’ll slam hard - probably taking a couple of mates’ drinks down with you.
Breaking your collarbone because of a pole dancing accident does not get you the same kudos as breaking it trying a corked 7, no matter what you try to say.
7) Get Battered On The Journey Home
Everyone just wants to curl up into a ball of self-pity and exhaustion; no one wants to listen to drum n' bass through a crappy phone speaker or chant about how fucking great their ski club is.
Give your liver and everyone’s ears a rest – it’s time to let go.