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“Know any good jokes?" If you are anything like me, your heart will sink when someone pipes up with this lame attempt to break the ice.

God, I hate jokes. 99 per cent of them are just awful and the ones that aren’t are too lame to even entertain your five year-old cousin.

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We’re here to tell you some snowboard jokes. Just to warn you now, these aren’t good snowboard jokes - they are really, really bad and mainly offensive towards us sideways sliders.

Just take ‘em with a pinch of salt, eh? Or use them on your friends next time you’re snowboarding and you are stuck on a particularly long, slow, dull chairlift.

Here we go... Don't say we didn't warn you.

How does a snowboarder introduce himself?

“Ohhhh, sorry dude!"

How many snowboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?

27. One to do it, eight to say they could do it better, and the rest to sit on the landing

What do you call a male snowboarder without a girlfriend?


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What's the difference between a ski instructor and God?

God doesn’t think he is a ski instructor.

This guy walks into a bar and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboard joke?" The bartender says, “I’m a snowboarder. The guy on your right is a snowboarder. Same with the guy on your left, and the guy behind you." So the guy says, “OK. I’ll tell it a little more slowly then…"

Three snowboarders are in a car. Who’s driving?

The police.

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What does a snowboard have in common with a vacuum cleaner?

They’re both usually attached to dirtbags.

What is the difference between a snowboard instructor and a snowboard student?

Three days.

On a date, what does a ski instructor say after the first hour?

“That’s enough talk about me; now let’s talk about skiing."

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Why are most snowboard jokes one-liners?

So the skiers can understand them.

How do you become a millionaire as a snowboard instructor?

Start out a billionaire.

What were the snowboarder’s last words?


What were the skier’s last words?

“I think I’ll try snowboarding."

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