Dumb & Dumberer: The 7 Stupidest Things To Have Ever Happened In Surfing
Not all surfers are young, dumb, and full of cum... not that you'd know from these epic fails
Surfing is full of idiots, so it’s unsurprising that they often do idiotic things. From fighting over waves to surfing in below freezing conditions, it’s safe to say surfing can at times be pretty dumb.
From a scroll through the 10 worst surfing adverts of all time, or some of the ridiculous questions female surfers have been asked, it's not hard to work out that the sport isn't always the most savvy place.
But there’s dumb, and there’s idiotic. And while sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference between these two, other times, it's really, really easy. From bad business decisions to epic fails at rock jumps, here are nine occasions where the idiots took over the surfing asylum.
1) Man Surfs SUP Sitting Down... On A Lounge Chair... With A Beer
This is so goddamn idiotic that is moves beyond idiocy and into the realm of pure genius. The idea of a comfortable chair on a SUP was the first piece of genius stroke idiocy.
Then to actually ride waves, whilst drinking beer, elevates this piece of lunacy into sheer art. When he crosses his legs, well, this is surfing idiocy at it’s very best. Such is the comfort and control of this dude it makes a mockery of all SUPers, and perhaps all surfers.
This might be a game changer.Maybe we are the idiots?
2) ASP Cancels Competition On Best Day In Surfing History
In 2012 the world’s surfing governing body the WSL (then known as the ASP) cancelled the competition halfway through the day of the Volcom Pro. Now this happens all the time.
However this was no ordinary day, this was the biggest and best surfing conditions the world had ever seen. They had 32 of the world’s best surfers and waves that were 50 feet high and tubing for 500 yards at the famous wave of Cloudbreak.
Sighting the safety of the surfers as the reason for the cancellation, the postponement meant some of the world’s best big wave riders enjoyed one of the most incredible days ever witnessed.
While it may be a little harsh to call the ASP’s decision idiotic, it still remains one of the greatest what could have beens in professional surfing history.
3) Australian Surfs On A Shale Carcass Surrounded By Massive Sharks
“Mum thinks I’m an idiot, dad’s not too proud either," said 26-year-old Harrison Williams of Perth after footage of him climbing above the rotting carcass of a dead whale, which was being chomped by half a dozen tiger sharks and a massive great white shark, went viral last year.
One of my mates said it would be pretty funny to surf the whale, so I did it," he told Seven News, idiotically. As the footage shows, Williams dives into the water from his boat, climbed on top of the half eaten whale and 'surfed' it until his friends pulled the boat near enough for him to jump back on-board safely.
He also told Seven News that he did not think he was in danger at the time. “The sharks were too busy chomping on the whale so it wasn’t too bad," he said, again, idiotically.
4) Kelly Slater Joins Baywatch
Aged just 21, with one world title and the surfing world at his feet, Kelly Slater did exactly what ever other once-in-a-lifetime talent would do, and went and joined a cheesy beach based sitcom called Baywatch.
This ensured that his wooden acting talents could be showcased to the nation as a whole, and a huge amount of ridicule from 98 per cent of the surfing world. The fact that it was over two decades ago hasn’t really soften the edges, with many of the Australian pro surfers still calling Kelly, Jimmy (after his character in the show Jimmy Slade).
Mind you from this short stint he did end up dating Pamela Anderson (the 1992 version, not the current Panto version), so again maybe it is his ridiculers, and not Kelly, that are the idiots.
5) Jamie O’Brien Is Jamie O'Brien
We could have perhaps filled this entire post with the rather idiotic and ludicrous stunts Hawaii professional surfer Jamie O’Brien has performed.
In no particular order he has ridden a pink softtop board in 20 foot Pipeline and manhandled a 16 foot SUP (with six of his mates) down a humongous wave at Makaha.
He has ridden two boards on one wave numerous times, performing a mid-wave board swap at deadly spots such as California’s wedge and again at Pipe. He holds an annual competition in one of the heaviest shorebreak closeouts at Keiki in Hawaii and jumps off huge rocks into the path of rather large waves.
And in between all this crazed idiocy, he still manages to be the best surfer at Pipeline every winter.
6) Funny Surfer Dude Unintentionally Parodies All Surfers
Over two million people have enjoyed one of the most idiotic, and hilarious, news interviews of all time when a surfer is questioned on Fox News.
“Brah it’s just like, dude you get the best barrels ever dude, just like you pull in, you just get spit right out of em, you just drop in and just smack the lip KWAPAHH!!" starts off our Californian surf clown, the KWAPAHH!! being the obvious highlight.
He’s not done yet though continuing with. “Then you drop down smack BAHHHHH!! Then after that you just drop in, just ride the barrel and get pitted sooo pitted like that."
7) TV Presenter Attacks Pro Surfer Live On Air
Perhaps more uncomfortable than idiotic but when Australian TV host Danny Clayton asked Kolohe Andino to “Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend," live on air it seemed an idiotic thing to do.
For one his “girlfriend" Zoe Cross is only 17, as opposed to Clayton’s 29, which is kinda creepy. Secondly it had the potential to get him the sack and thirdly it pretty much broadcast that Andino had probably been up to no good with Cross.
The interview was held during the Hurley Australian Open, the event which Andino went on to win, again giving him the last laugh on the idiotic saga played out on national television.