US Immigration

Mpora recently had the chance to visit the United States of America. Needless to say, the travel did not go as smoothly as we'd hoped. At Detroit airport, where we hoped to catch a connecting flight to Salt Lake City, we got hauled to one side by US Immigration Officials and put in a special room. And by "special", we mean grey and bleak.

We spent so much time waiting around, and then being interviewed, in this room that we ended up missing our plane to Utah. Sitting there, flanked on each side by a crying lady from Georgia (the country, not the state) and a flamboyantly dressed lady from Ghana, we had a lot of time to contemplate the situation we found ourselves in.

USA Flight Routes

USA Flight Routes

What's the worst thing we could say, right now? What's the worst thing we could do? What would have to happen to make this terrible situation, even more terrible than it already is? Rather than locking up those thoughts forever, and throwing away the key, we've decided to share them with you...the people of the internet. And so, without further ado, here's 28 things you should never-ever do while going through US Immigration.

1) Wear A Crap Disguise

Fancy Dress Glasses Novelty

Fancy Dress Glasses Novelty

 

2) Shoot Finger Guns!

Finger-Guns-American-Immigration

Hands Up!

 

3) Say "Bum", "Boob", "Boom" Or Anything That Can Be Misconstrued As The Word "Bomb"

Bomb

 

4) Offer Them A Cheeky Bribe

Cheeky Bribe

 

5) Tell Them You're There To Bring Down The Capitalist Infrastructure They Hold So Dear

Capitalism Fight Club

Capitalism Fight Club

 

6) Wear Your Favourite Communist T-Shirt

Communist T-Shirt

Communist T-Shirt

 

7) Ask For A Vodka Martini, Shaken Not Stirred

Shaken Not Stirred Vodka Martini

Shaken Not Stirred Vodka Martini

 

8) Flip The Bird

Flip The Bird

Flip The Bird

 

9) Wear Novelty Sunglasses

Novelty Sunglasses

Novelty Sunglasses

 

10) Shout "Fuck The Po-Po!"

Fuck The PoPo

Fuck The PoPo

 

11) Say You've Got A Package To Declare, And Then Gesture Suggestively At Your Own Groin

Man Groin Pointing

Man Groin Pointing

 

12) Say Philosophical Things Like, "...One Man's Terrorist Is Another Man'sĀ Freedom Fighter..."

Book Of Philosophy

Book Of Philosophy

 

13) Openly Defecate

Farting Man

Freak shits down a man

 

14) Secretly Defecate

Secret Farting

Secret Farting

 

15) Defecate

Toilet Sitting

Toilet Sitting

 

16) Fill Out The Immigration Forms With Your Own Blood

Writing In Blood

Bloody revenge

 

17 Sing The Opening Line Of Foo Fighter's 'Best Of You': "I'VE GOT ANOTHER CONFESSION TO MAKE, I'M YOUR FOOL..."

Foo Fighters Best Of You

Foo Fighters Best Of You

 

18) Fall To The Floor And Beg For Mercy

Beg For Mercy

Self portrait : Mercy!

 

19) Wink Mischievously...Like An Absolute Lad

Cheeky Wink

Cheeky Wink

 

20) Blink Excessively

Excessive Blinking

Businessman with screwed-up eyes

 

21) Answer Every Question With "No Comment"

Zipped Up Lips No Comment

Zipped Up Lips No Comment

 

22) Ask Them If You Can "Shoot Up In Here", While Unloading A Small Container Of Black Tar Heroin From Your Rucksack

Black Tar Heroin Spoon

Black Tar Heroin Spoon

 

23) Remind Them That "We (The British) Used To Run Things Around Here"

British American War

British American War

 

24) Make A Run For It

Run Police Chase Foot

Cop Chasing Chicken Man

 

25) Hide

Bad Hiding Place

Bad Hiding Place

 

26) Whisper "I Love You"

Intense Stare

Intense Stare

 

27) Push Over Their Coffee Cup When They Fail To Reciprocate Your Feelings Of Love

Coffee Spill Table

coffee drink beverage splashing stain dirty

 

28) Expect Your Passport To Be Dealt With Quickly And Efficiently

British Passport US Immigration

British Passport US Immigration

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