Christmas, the yearly environmental disaster held in Jesus’ honour, is fast approaching. And that means Christmas presents, along with one or two awkward questions for outdoor enthusiasts and anybody who might be buying a present for one. What should you buy? What should you ask for? Is Xcel’s new Channel Flex neoprene as stretchy as O’Neill’s TechnoButter? Ought we actually to boycott the whole sordid extravaganza?
Let’s turn to our spiritual guide and mentor George Monbiot, who said this on the subject of presents: “For God’s sake stop trashing the planet to tell someone you care. All it shows is that you don’t.” And: “They seem amusing on the first day of Christmas… By the twelfth they’re in landfill.”
With that in mind, if you do plan on dipping into the Christmas present market, buy something good, something worth keeping. The Mpora staff scoured Surfdome and came up with a few gift ideas for surfers, snowboarders, skaters, and adventure fiends in general.
EQ Seals Balance Pro Ear Plugs
Even taking into account the sad decline of popular music and the general increase in unwelcome background noise, ears are still pretty good. You don’t really appreciate them, though, until they stop working.
And if you surf at all regularly during the winter, or even during the summer, they will at some point stop working. “Surfer’s ear” is a silent assassin. Actually it won’t kill you, that’s a lie, but it will be quiet about it, and accompanied by infections and other unpleasantness. Good ear protection is just the sort of thing a surfer will put off buying for themselves until it’s too late, making these EQ Seals ear plugs an ideal Christmas present idea.
Mizu V7 360 Everyday Kit
As well as doing all the other things a regular water bottle can do, the V7 360 Everyday Kit by Mizu features a cylindrical filter cage, which is able to remove 99.99% of contaminants. It literally filters as you sip, using nanotechnology to soften the water and improve taste at a flow rate of 1071ml per minute
Now we know what you’re thinking: Can you piss in it then drink it? No is the official answer (but nobody’s gonna stop you trying… unless you’re in public, maybe). Think more along the lines of tap water you don’t quite trust. Perfect for that idiot in your life who insists on buying bottled water because the tap water tastes “funny”, or because their worried about their precious bodily fluids being impurified by water fluoridation.