Mountain Biking

10 Silly Questions Every Mountain Biker Has Been Asked Too Often

...and how to answer them all in under 10 seconds

1) So do you wear lycra then?

No. That’s road cycling. And also cross-country, which is also mountain biking, but mostly going uphill. It’s not what I do. So no. No lycra.

Answer: No.

2) Do you have to keep your bike in the flat?

This bike is genuinely the most expensive thing I have ever owned, and I don’t trust any amount of bike locks even with the front door guarding the way to the tenement staircase. Also, Brian from the fourth floor has the look of someone who would bump into things when he’s drunk. Basically, I’m scared bad things will happen to it, and yes, I enjoy looking at it whenever I get stressed.

Answer: Yes.

3) Do you want to go hiking today for a change?

The problem with friends who don’t mountain bike but still love the outdoors is that they occasionally want you to give up a day on the trails to go hiking, but inevitably, if it’s sunny enough to hike, it’s also pretty much perfect whether for a ride. Maybe go with them once in a while, but if you do, make sure you stay away from any trails so you don’t get jealous. Normally though, stick to the below response…

Answer: No.

4) Why does it matter what size of wheel you use?

This is probably the least silly of all the questions on this list. We can understand why it might seem bizarre to make such a big deal out of a matter of inches, but of course, it does matter what wheel size you pick. So, in the case of this question we assume you’ve all been asked a dozen or so times, just be nice and answer the question. Keep it short and sweet. And direct them to the video above if they have any further questions!

Answer: It makes a big difference to how smooth you can ride and what stuff you can roll over.

5) Why do you need more than one bike?

The old saying goes that the number of bikes you need is always N+1, with ‘N’ in that equation being the number of bikes you already own. The reasons you need these come in many forms; ranging legitimate stuff like different bikes for different styles of riding to the fact that you passed a charity shop drunk the other day and they had a 1998 Specialized Stumpjumper parked outside. The easiest way to answer this question is probably the below…

Answer: They’re for different types of cycling.

6) “Why don’t you sell your other bikes?”

Because I like them. Because I like looking at them. Because even though I pretty much only ever use the full-suspension, I like the option of a playday on a hardtail, even if I never really take up on the option. It’s like the bike equivalent of a vinyl, CD or DVD collection, just a lot more expensive.

Answer: Good question.

7) Why is your car so dirty?

Because I spent three hours riding in the rain two weeks ago and even though the bike goes on the top of my car, my helmet, jacket and everything else attached to me, does not. Also, cleaning my car is about as high on my priority list as banging my head repeatedly off the dinner table.

Answer: Why is your bike so clean?

8) You’ll love the Tour de France then?

No. Again, that’s road cycling. But fair play to the folks in the Tour de France. They put in a shift when they’re not on the old EPO. Watching four hours of them riding along tarmac roads though? Not for me.

Answer: That’s road cycling. But yeah, the highlights aren’t bad on occasion.

9) Why did you spend so much on a bicycle?

The right bike for you is the best bike you can afford. So needless to say, you’re going to end up buying the one that’s twice whatever that costs. You can justify it by only eating pasta and sauce for half a year, or by owning a Ford Ka, or similar level of motor vehicle.

Answer: It’s a problem. I didn’t have a choice.

10) Is that what you do? Pointing at a video of Red Bull Rampage

Red Bull Rampage seems to be when all your non-biking mates realise mountain biking is a thing, and become absolutely engulfed by a run someone posts from three or four years ago. Naturally, they’ve overheard you talking about mountain biking and now believe this is what you get up to when you’re not at the office. The easiest way to get round this is… well, just to let them believe.

Answer: Err… well… fuck it, yeah, why not. If it’ll shut you up.

Mountain Biking

10 Silly Questions Every Mountain Biker Has Been Asked Too Often

...and how to answer them all in under 10 seconds

1) So do you wear lycra then?

2) Do you have to keep your bike in the flat?

3) Do you want to go hiking today for a change?

4) Why does it matter what size of wheel you use?

5) Why do you need more than one bike?

6) “Why don’t you sell your other bikes?”

7) Why is your car so dirty?

8) You’ll love the Tour de France then?

9) Why did you spend so much on a bicycle?

10) Is that what you do? Pointing at a video of Red Bull Rampage

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1) So do you wear lycra then?

2) Do you have to keep your bike in the flat?

3) Do you want to go hiking today for a change?

4) Why does it matter what size of wheel you use?

5) Why do you need more than one bike?

6) “Why don’t you sell your other bikes?”

7) Why is your car so dirty?

8) You’ll love the Tour de France then?

9) Why did you spend so much on a bicycle?

10) Is that what you do? *Pointing at a video of Red Bull Rampage*

You May Also Like

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Topics:

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10) Is that what you do? Pointing at a video of Red Bull Rampage