Mountain Biking

35 Reasons You Should Never Go Mountain Biking in Scotland

...It's just not really worth the effort

1) Don’t listen to anyone who says you should go mountain biking in Scotland


Photo: Visit Scotland


2) They’re joking. They have to be…



3) As you can see, it’s not exactly too easy on the eyes


4) It is literally always raining…



5) …and the clouds block out the sky the majority of the time



6) The scenery is awful anyway, though, so the clouds don’t even matter


7) Like totally awful



8) Really, really bad



9) The trails are all the same



10) They’re too… simple


11) …too short



12) …and too man-made. There’s nothing natural


Photo: Ruaridh Cunningham / instagram: @rc_mtb


13) It’s basically flat in most places in Scotland



14) …and when there is uphill, there’s no reward for it


Photo: Danny MacAskill

15) You have to leave the trails super early to get back to your home or accommodation for the night…



16) So you can’t stray too far in one day


17) …or go on any proper adventures



18) The beer is shit


19) And the whisky is even worse



20) Subsequently, they have absolutely no idea how to throw a party


21) The locals are far too tame for that kind of shenanigans



22) The wildlife is also shit



23) Like, actually painful to look at



24) It’s all just ugly mainland roads and mud


25) And that ‘right to roam’ nonsense means the half-decent outdoor spots are all overcrowded



26) The trails are always packed too



27) You’ll exhaust the 7stanes trails in a day or two



28) Fort William only has one run


29) It’s all just a bit… dreich, all of the time



30) Grey, grey, grey, grey, grey


31) All the riding is way too far away from the city


32) It’s not as if you can just go riding in the woods by your house…



30) …or on some hills 15 minutes ride away



31) You’ve got to drive hours to hit the trails


32) …and what do you get when you get there?



33) Don’t bother going mountain biking in Scotland



34) It’s just not worth the effort…



35) And they’ll probably try make you eat haggis


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