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20 Crazy Questions Your Elderly Relatives Will Definitely Ask You This Christmas…

It's Old Foks Bingo! How much of this nonsense have you heard already?

shutterstock_65766067 So, Santa has been, the presents have been unwrapped, and at least one person you know has had to mask the disappointment of receiving something that actually makes them feel like shit (if you got somebody Slimming World vouchers this year, we salute you, you delightfully crappy human).

The turkey has been eaten, the Christmas pudding tolerated, and the Queens speech ignored. There’s only one thing left to do: actually talk to your family.

We’re not anti family. Far from it. We love chatting to the old folks. However, it’s inevitable that action sports will be brought up.

Around the family, you’re known as the weird one that spends your weekends getting muddy, cold, or generally banged up, so when all other options are exhausted you will be grilled about your chosen past time. After all, to everybody else, you’re a six out of ten freak.

Brace yourself for the following at some point over the festive period:

Can you do that?

http---makeagif.com--media-12-15-2014-Oa6lg2 No. No I can’t. Thanks for the reminder.

 

Doesn’t it hurt when you fall?

MTB slam Not at all! I actually like swallowing my own teeth.

 

Have you ever seen a shark?

really I think you’re confusing UK surfing with Finding Nemo.

 

Do you go abroad a lot then?

shutterstock_113714524 On these wages?

 

I remember when you cried until we bought you Roller Blades

tantrum YOU PROMISED YOU’D NEVER MENTION THAT!

 

Rugby. Now that’s a really tough sport

rugbyists Here we go. Two hours of rah rah rah rugby with the chaps.

 

Isn’t skate boarding for little kids?

child skateboard I get to pick your nursing home, remember!

 

Can you ride scooters as well?

adult on scooter Get out!

 

Have you ever done a loop-de-loop

dafuq A what now?

 

Your cousin Jack likes bikes as well

shutterstock_101018983 Jack? Jack who’s four years old. Four year old Jack? He does? Smashin’.

 

Have you met Torvill and Dean?

pule hill

Yeah, they’re regulars at the Pule Hill dry slope.

 

When I was your age, we didn’t have helmets. Or brakes. We didn’t even have saddles!

bullshit

And I bet all this was fields as well, wasn’t it.

 

But, don’t you get cold?

shutterstock_94366924

Do you think I ski naked?

 

Did you get your bike from Halfords?

Photo: paul prescott / Shutterstock.com
Photo: paul prescott / Shutterstock.com

My gear cassette was hand crafted by blind widows in Milan, I’ll have you know!

 

Are Eskimos best at skiing?

thats racist

Oh God, if you’re on to Eskimos, what’s next?

 

You don’t do that whole leg shaving thing, do you?

http---makeagif.com--media-12-16-2014-FBhbSH

NO! Never. Well, not always. Once. Once a month. Sometimes more…

 

So, how much does all that stuff cost?

shutterstock_181519442

*Cue your other half staring at you with inquisitorial fury*

 

I bet you’ve seen Cool Runnings a thousand times, haven’t you?

eff off

No, I much prefer The Art of Fuck Off. You should watch it.

 

So, it was just you and another man, sleeping in a van together for two weeks?

bromance aint dead

He’s my friend! MY FRIEND! YOU’RE SITTING NEXT TO MY WIFE!

 

When are you going to get a proper job?

unicorn

But… but… but…

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