FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT

Feel like the language of action sports is leaving you behind? Want to fake your way through a conversation with a skater? Can’t quite crack that BMX clique?

You’re in luck. Here’s your guide to the most commonly used and useful phraseology in action sports. Gnarly!

A

Armpit

[pron. ahrm.pit]

Noun. Derisory term used for an unpopular or out of favour skater.

Use: Don’t hang with Gillian, she’s an armpit.

B

Bush Honey

[pron. buhsh hu.nee]

Adjective. In lieu of the appropriate facilities, the activity of using a makeshift toilet.

Use: What’s Simon doing in the trees? He’s looking for some Bush Honey.

SEARCHING FOR SOME BUSH HONEY

Butter Hump

[pron. buht-er huhmp]

Noun. Poor, unsitable,or badly maintained terrain.

Use:  Conditions were terrible. There were Butter Humps for days, son.

C

Candy Crush

[pron. kan.dee kurhsh]

Verb. The female equivalent of a Nut Stutter.

Use: Anna Candy Crushed on that rail when she missed that varial.

Chub Rub

[pron. chuhn ruhb]

Noun. Wax used to lubricate skis or a snowboard, that’s designed specifically for warmer conditions (e.g. spring skiing).

Use: If you’re skiing in April, you’ll need to get some chub rub on your sticks.

Cook-a-look

[pron. kuk -  a -  luk]

Noun. A damaged or burst tyre.

Use:  Why was Susan's time so slow? She got a cook-a-look half way down.

D

Dingle Dangle

[pron. din-gul dan.gul]

Noun. When a rider is thrown from the saddle of their bike, but continue to hold the handle bars, often valuing their bike more highly than their own body.

Use: Emma just Dingle Dangled for at least 10 meters when she came off. She's bruised to sh*t.

Dust Horn

[pron. duhst hawrn]

Noun: To discover a passion for riding powder.

Use: Jan was all about hitting street spots until he went to Japan, where he got a major dust horn.

E

Eggsies

[pron. egg.zee.ees gap]

Noun. Originally a famous ledge to gap in Brisbane, gapped by local skater Eggsie in the early 1990’s, now many stair sets are referred to as Eggsies or Eggsies Gaps.

Use: That guy just kickflipped that mad Eggsie.

 F

Fierce Panda

[pron. feers pan.da]

Noun. A person who aggressively denies being a Panda Poker.

Use: I’m not a Panda Poker, this set up just happens to work for me.

 

G

G-Gasm

[pron. gee gaz.zum]

Verb. A period of hyper-activity following the consumption of a lot of cafine. Thought to derive from the musician Kenny G, who reportedly owns shares in a global coffee retailer.

Use: Why’s Hank kicking off with the postman? He’s just having a G-Gasm.

MULTIPLE G-GASM

Glory Hole

[pron. glawr-ee hohl]

Noun. A gap in a fence or security barrier that permits access to a desirable but otherwise unrideable location.

Use: We can get in, we just need to cut ourselves a glory hole.

Gnarlston

[pron. narl.stonn]

Noun. A celebratory move carried out by somebody after performing a satisfying trick.

Use: She stomped the backside rodeo and rode away Gnarlstoning down the mountain.

A GNARLSTON TAKEN TOO FAR

Grompa

[pron. grom.pah]

Noun. An older rider who dressed like a much younger rider. Often unusual or disturbing appearance.

Use: Keep away from the guy, he's a Grompa

H

Hammer sandwich

[pron. ham.mah]

Noun. Two tricks performed back-to-back with skill. Further extra style may be noted by adding extra ingredients.

Use: Luke dropped a sick hammer sandwich with mayo in the park this morning.

"We need to cut ourselves a glory hole"

I

Instacock

[pron. in.sta.kok]

Noun. Somebody who dresses like a skater, talks like a skater, but spends all of their time taking pictures for their social media account, and no time skating.

Use: Watch out for that instacock sitting on the hubba.

 J

Juno

[pron. jew-noh]

Noun. A large swelling on the body cause by a heavy slam.

Use: He couldn’t get his helmet on because if the juno on the side of his head.

Click here for some seriously gnarley junos like this!

WL bum1

WL bum1

L

Loafer Toaster

[pron. loh-fur toh-ster ]

Noun. An elder-statesman of board sport, known for their wisdom, knowledge of the sport, and love of recycling. Often bearded (irrespective of gender).

Use: Andre’s such a Loafer Toaster. He was riding South Bank back in the day.

N

Nutter Stutter

[pron. nut.tah stu.tah]

Verb. When a participant continually hurts their genitals while performing tricks.

Use: Brad smashed his balls on 4 different rails last night. He was having such a Nutter Stutter.

P

Panda Poker

[pron. pan.da poh.ka]

Noun. An individual who, in an attempt to emulate their favourite action sports star, purchases a complete pro-setup.

Use:  Look at that Panda Poker, on his Lobster board, switchbacks, and 7/9/13 t-shirt!

Panty Pad

[pron. pan.tee pad]

Verb. When a riders foot slips off a pedal, or they put their foot down while riding.

Use: Phil was so out of it he was Panty Padding constantly last night.

"There are rubber maids from the 80’s"

Pizza Pie

[pron. peet.s.uh pahy ]

Noun. Term used to describe a buckled or otherwise damaged wheel. Toppings are ofter added for artistic effect.

Use: Sue had to ride down the bottom half on a pair of Pepperoni Pizzas.

Q

Quidditch Cock

[pron. kwid.dich kok]

Noun. Used in skateboarding when a flip-trick goes wrong, resulting in the board striking the rider between the legs, creating the appearance of the board being ridden like a broomstick.

Use: Jose was in tears after getting a bad case of Quidditch Cock.

R

Rubber Maid

[pron. ruh.ba meyd]

Noun. The mark, often black, left on the floor when a bike tyre skids.

Use:  That place is so old school, there are rubber maids from the 80’s.

S

Smashtag

[pron. smash tag]

Noun. An outpouring of disapproval, disgust, or hatred because of, or aimed at, something posted online.

Use:  The was a real smashtag about the Action Sports That Deserve to Die article.

Sole Spuff

[pron. sohl spuhf]

Noun. Snow that collects on a boot or binding of a snowboard, leading to an uncomfortable ride.

Use: Riding was horrible today, I had spuff everywhere.

Steeze Police

[pron. stee.z poh.lee.s]

Noun. A person preoccupied with how people dress and how stylishly tricks are done.

Use:  You don't like my Backflip? Who are you, the Steeze Police?

Stoke Broker

[pron. stoh broh.kur]

Noun. Somebody that facilitates an enjoyable experience.

Use: Shannon bought doughnuts to the session. She's such a Stoke Broker.

T

Tidy Steven

[pron. tahy.dee stee.van]

Verb. A particularly accomplished and well executed series of tricks, or a faultless run.

Use: That line was full of absolute bangers, and was such a Tidy Steven.

TomBrown Flip

[pron. tohm-brahwn flip]

Verb. An insulting name given to a standard, common trick that somebody performs and claims to be the first person to have done it.

Use: James’ backside 180 is a text-book TomBrown Flip.

V

Vertperv

[pron. vurt.purv]

Noun. Somebody that only every rides halfpipe. Derives from pervert.

Use: Danny's been in the Pipe all week. He's such a vertperv.

W

Wet Margaret

[pron. when mar.gret]

Noun. Derisory term for somebody much older than the average participant trying a sport for the first time.

Use: That guy bailing all the time is such a Wet Margaret.

A WET MARGARET ACTUALLY CALLED MARGARET

White Out

[pron. wahyt out]

Noun. To monopolise a market with one particular brand.

Use: The shop only sold one board – Shaun's pro model. It was a complete White Out.

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