An Outsiders' Guide To Blagging Conversations About Action Sports
Get down with the kids in a few easy steps!
Feel like the language of action sports is leaving you behind? Want to fake your way through a conversation with a skater? Can’t quite crack that BMX clique?
You’re in luck. Here’s your guide to the most commonly used and useful phraseology in action sports. Gnarly!
Noun. Derisory term used for an unpopular or out of favour skater.
Use: Don’t hang with Gillian, she’s an armpit.
Bush Honey[pron. buhsh hu.nee]
Adjective. In lieu of the appropriate facilities, the activity of using a makeshift toilet.
Use: What’s Simon doing in the trees? He’s looking for some Bush Honey.
Butter Hump[pron. buht-er huhmp]
Noun. Poor, unsitable,or badly maintained terrain.
Use: Conditions were terrible. There were Butter Humps for days, son.
Candy Crush[pron. kan.dee kurhsh]
Verb. The female equivalent of a Nut Stutter.
Use: Anna Candy Crushed on that rail when she missed that varial.
Chub Rub[pron. chuhn ruhb]
Noun. Wax used to lubricate skis or a snowboard, that’s designed specifically for warmer conditions (e.g. spring skiing).
Use: If you’re skiing in April, you’ll need to get some chub rub on your sticks.
Cook-a-look[pron. kuk - a - luk]
Noun. A damaged or burst tyre.
Use: Why was Susan's time so slow? She got a cook-a-look half way down.
Dingle Dangle[pron. din-gul dan.gul]
Noun. When a rider is thrown from the saddle of their bike, but continue to hold the handle bars, often valuing their bike more highly than their own body.
Use: Emma just Dingle Dangled for at least 10 meters when she came off. She's bruised to sh*t.
Dust Horn[pron. duhst hawrn]
Noun: To discover a passion for riding powder.
Use: Jan was all about hitting street spots until he went to Japan, where he got a major dust horn.
Eggsies[pron. egg.zee.ees gap]
Noun. Originally a famous ledge to gap in Brisbane, gapped by local skater Eggsie in the early 1990’s, now many stair sets are referred to as Eggsies or Eggsies Gaps.
Use: That guy just kickflipped that mad Eggsie.
Fierce Panda[pron. feers pan.da]
Noun. A person who aggressively denies being a Panda Poker.
Use: I’m not a Panda Poker, this set up just happens to work for me.
G-Gasm[pron. gee gaz.zum]
Verb. A period of hyper-activity following the consumption of a lot of cafine. Thought to derive from the musician Kenny G, who reportedly owns shares in a global coffee retailer.
Use: Why’s Hank kicking off with the postman? He’s just having a G-Gasm.
Glory Hole[pron. glawr-ee hohl]
Noun. A gap in a fence or security barrier that permits access to a desirable but otherwise unrideable location.
Use: We can get in, we just need to cut ourselves a glory hole.
Noun. A celebratory move carried out by somebody after performing a satisfying trick.
Use: She stomped the backside rodeo and rode away Gnarlstoning down the mountain.
Noun. An older rider who dressed like a much younger rider. Often unusual or disturbing appearance.
Use: Keep away from the guy, he's a Grompa
Hammer sandwich[pron. ham.mah]
Noun. Two tricks performed back-to-back with skill. Further extra style may be noted by adding extra ingredients.
Use: Luke dropped a sick hammer sandwich with mayo in the park this morning.
"We need to cut ourselves a glory hole"
Noun. Somebody who dresses like a skater, talks like a skater, but spends all of their time taking pictures for their social media account, and no time skating.
Use: Watch out for that instacock sitting on the hubba.
Noun. A large swelling on the body cause by a heavy slam.
Use: He couldn’t get his helmet on because if the juno on the side of his head.
Loafer Toaster[pron. loh-fur toh-ster ]
Noun. An elder-statesman of board sport, known for their wisdom, knowledge of the sport, and love of recycling. Often bearded (irrespective of gender).
Use: Andre’s such a Loafer Toaster. He was riding South Bank back in the day.
Nutter Stutter[pron. nut.tah stu.tah]
Verb. When a participant continually hurts their genitals while performing tricks.
Use: Brad smashed his balls on 4 different rails last night. He was having such a Nutter Stutter.
Panda Poker[pron. pan.da poh.ka]
Noun. An individual who, in an attempt to emulate their favourite action sports star, purchases a complete pro-setup.
Use: Look at that Panda Poker, on his Lobster board, switchbacks, and 7/9/13 t-shirt!
Panty Pad[pron. pan.tee pad]
Verb. When a riders foot slips off a pedal, or they put their foot down while riding.
Use: Phil was so out of it he was Panty Padding constantly last night.
"There are rubber maids from the 80’s"
Pizza Pie[pron. peet.s.uh pahy ]
Noun. Term used to describe a buckled or otherwise damaged wheel. Toppings are ofter added for artistic effect.
Use: Sue had to ride down the bottom half on a pair of Pepperoni Pizzas.
Quidditch Cock[pron. kwid.dich kok]
Noun. Used in skateboarding when a flip-trick goes wrong, resulting in the board striking the rider between the legs, creating the appearance of the board being ridden like a broomstick.
Use: Jose was in tears after getting a bad case of Quidditch Cock.
Rubber Maid[pron. ruh.ba meyd]
Noun. The mark, often black, left on the floor when a bike tyre skids.
Use: That place is so old school, there are rubber maids from the 80’s.
Smashtag[pron. smash tag]
Noun. An outpouring of disapproval, disgust, or hatred because of, or aimed at, something posted online.
Use: The was a real smashtag about the Action Sports That Deserve to Die article.
Sole Spuff[pron. sohl spuhf]
Noun. Snow that collects on a boot or binding of a snowboard, leading to an uncomfortable ride.
Use: Riding was horrible today, I had spuff everywhere.
Steeze Police[pron. stee.z poh.lee.s]
Noun. A person preoccupied with how people dress and how stylishly tricks are done.
Use: You don't like my Backflip? Who are you, the Steeze Police?
Stoke Broker[pron. stoh broh.kur]
Noun. Somebody that facilitates an enjoyable experience.
Use: Shannon bought doughnuts to the session. She's such a Stoke Broker.
Tidy Steven[pron. tahy.dee stee.van]
Verb. A particularly accomplished and well executed series of tricks, or a faultless run.
Use: That line was full of absolute bangers, and was such a Tidy Steven.
TomBrown Flip[pron. tohm-brahwn flip]
Verb. An insulting name given to a standard, common trick that somebody performs and claims to be the first person to have done it.
Use: James’ backside 180 is a text-book TomBrown Flip.
Noun. Somebody that only every rides halfpipe. Derives from pervert.
Use: Danny's been in the Pipe all week. He's such a vertperv.
Wet Margaret[pron. when mar.gret]
Noun. Derisory term for somebody much older than the average participant trying a sport for the first time.
Use: That guy bailing all the time is such a Wet Margaret.
White Out[pron. wahyt out]
Noun. To monopolise a market with one particular brand.
Use: The shop only sold one board – Shaun's pro model. It was a complete White Out.