Politics. Bloody politics. Now, you probably come to an action sports and adventure website like Mpora to get away from politics? EU Referendumdeedumdumdum, Donald Trumpet-head, David Hameron, Nigel Garage, Boris Johnson & Johnson Talcum Powder, Hillary Clint Eastwood; politics. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, can somebody just wake us up when the politics are finally over?
But, hang on a second. What's this? Something vaguely related to politics? Politics?! On Mpora?! Well, yes...sort of. The right-wing extremists known as Britain First claim to be a legitimate political party but in reality, of course, they're anything but. Their hilariously crap results at London's Mayoral Elections, when the party got about 1% of the vote, demonstrated how much of a joke they are (even though they'd like to tell you otherwise).
To make matters worse for Britain First, just when they thought people had stopped laughing at them about the London Mayoral Elections, internet commentators have started rinsing them online for their pathetic attempt at a camping trip which they posted images of on Facebook.
When they’re not eating the most “BRITISH" of Pot Noodle flavours on their camping trip, flavours like Beef and Tomato and Chicken and Mushroom (no Bombay Bad Boy and Chinese Chow Mein flavours for Britain First), it seems that the Britain First lads like standing around with the Union Jack and wearing army gear. Bless ’em. Look at them in their army gear. They look like children at a fancy dress sleepover.
Now, let’s examine this photo of them practicing knife defence. Because as Britain First say themselves on Facebook, like your gran when she can’t undo caps lock, “KNIFE DEFENCE AND SELF DEFENCE IS CRUCIAL TO KEEPING OUR ACTIVISTS SAFE. KNIVES ARE PREVALENT IN OUR SOCIETY. WE NEVER WANT TROUBLE, BUT WE REFUSE TO LEAVE OUR ACTIVISTS EXPOSED. SELF DEFENCE IS VERY IMPORTANT." OK, Britain First. We get it. Just stop shouting.
Right, so this is a photo of Britain First learning self-defence. The man with the hat, the Obi-Wan Kenobi figure if you will, is teaching the three gents on the left how to defend yourself from a knife attack. That’s what’s happening here. We know that because Britain First SHOUTED it LOUDLY on their Facebook post.
But take a closer look. Take a look at the facial expressions and body language of the man with the hood. Go on. Have a butcher’s. Look at that man’s facial expression and body language.
That is definitely the facial expression and body language of a man not entirely convinced by what he’s seeing. He’s watching politely, of course, because Britain First are nothing if not polite. But that, right there, is the facial expression and body language of a man who thinks the teacher is talking bollocks. And don’t even get us started on the fact that the man in the PU-RE t-shirt looks like he’s having a nap while standing up.
If you’re looking at all this Britain First camping fun, and thinking “Oh man, I would like nothing more than to spend a weekend with the lads from Britain First. I want to stand in behind a Union Jack flag, have self-defence lessons from a man in a hat, and eat only the most British of Pot Noodle flavours," you’ll be pleased to know that the group will be holding its very own festival at the end of July.
The full blurb for the event dubbed Britannia Fest, which you can see below, states that there’ll be “speeches, workshops, football, face painting, camping, hog roast, beer tent, children’s activities…" Hang on. Isn’t face painting a children’s activity? Surely, the adult members of Britain First aren’t going to stand around in a field with Spiderman faces?! Surely, that’s not going to happen. Or, is it? Maybe that’s actually going to happen.
The event is being held in the “countryside of the Midlands" (bit vague), on the 30th and 31st of July 2016. Yeah, we’ll probably give it a miss to be honest.