*wipes sweat from brow, attempts to write introduction, passes out from the heat, wakes up sometime later and continues where he left off*
Great Britain and hot weather are interesting bedfellows. They don't often get together but, when they do, you can virtually guarantee that chaos will ensue.
"We Brits, it's fair to say, are not really used to heatwaves"
We Brits, it's fair to say, are not really used to heatwaves. When one comes along, we don't really know what to do with ourselves. Our minds slow, our bodies sweat, and we end up doing the exact same stupid things we did the last time there was a spell of abnormally hot weather.
Here, at Mpora, we thought it was time we celebrated those "things." We may be a land of bumbling idiots, incapable of coping in the heat, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't stand proudly beneath the flag and say "I'm proud to be British, proud to be from...
*writer passes out from the heat again*
Complain That It's "Too Hot"
We spend all year moaning about how crap the weather is, only to get some sunshine and immediately slag it off.
Quote Ron Burgundy
Because that line from Anchorman perfectly sums up how we feel when walking around in plus 25ºc.
Drink Excessive Levels Of Pimm's
"One of me, 64.1 million of you, I make that Pimm's o'clock!"
If there's one things we Brits love, it's busting out our shorts at every opportunity. Quirky shorts, tailored office shorts, short-shorts; if it's hot, we're probably wearing shorts.
Cool Off Near/Inside The Fridge
When the temperature is high, we seem to spend a lot of time opening the fridge door and basking in its cool and refreshing air.
Read Newspaper Headlines Like This
If there's one thing British newspapers love to do, especially the tabloids, it's telling us how hot we are.
We're not cut out for this shit.
Suckle On An Ice Pole
Whether we're making our own or buying them from the shop with pocket shrapnel, hot weather always makes us want to put flavoured-ice in and around our mouths.
Every year, we end up being surprised by the sun's ability to turn us into oversized lobsters.
Head To The Beach
When the sun is out, we inevitably turn our beaches into something from a disaster movie. If you can find a spot of available sand, during a British heatwave, well done!
Have A Crap BBQ
That idyllic vision of the perfect BBQ rarely plays out the way it's meant to. Burnt cheeseburgers anyone?
Struggle With Ice Cream
If you don't want the ice cream to melt all over your fingers, you'll need to eat all of it within about thirty seconds.
Experience The Feeling Of Being On Fire
"Am I on fire? I feel like I'm literally on fire."
Wear Nothing...In The Park
People say we're a nation of prudes, but have these critics ever been to a British park during a heatwave? There's enough skin on show to make a nun blush.
Wear Nothing...In The Supermarket
You're in Tesco, looking to pick up some HobNobs, when you notice that the entire biscuit aisle has been overrun with hot girls in bikinis and topless fat men. What do you do?
Get Angry With Public Transport
Welcome to Britain, a place where the trains are incapable of functioning in hot weather, cold weather, or any weather whatsoever.
Talk About The Heatwave...A Lot
It's a bit muggy, thunderstorms forecasted for this evening, I heard that tomorrow there's going to be highs of 700ºc etc.