Here at Mpora, we’re not overly keen on ten-pen bowling. In fact, we’d go as far as saying that ten pin bowling is actually pretty shit. Or maybe we’re just pretty shit at it.
The shoes make you look like a clown. The general movement of throwing the ball, and the subsequent follow through, make you look like a Poundland Danny Zuko.
“Welcome to the Hydraulic Press Channel. Today we have bowling special"
And at least when we play the game – let’s not even get near calling it a sport – we stay true to the atrocity and avoid putting the bumpers up, even at the cost of watching our hopes and dreams literally fall into a gutter every time we throw the ball.
There’s nothing worse than when you’re halfway through a game of ten pin bowling and your hammered mate Steve throws the bumpers up, turns it into a game of pinball and gets a strike. Then you’re other mate Claire, who’s even more plastered, brings out the “learning ramp", which is effectively a slide for people under the height of three foot and no more than six inches wide, and just about rolls the ball down to achieve the same feat.
You’re left staring into oblivion and a big fat zero on the scoreboard while a handful of folk four tequila-shots down and taking regular intervals to throw up in the toilet outscore you on the board.
Come to think of it, maybe we don’t hate ten pin bowling. Maybe we just hate our friends. Something to consider when we’re back in the bathtub tonight.
Anyway, regardless of whether it’s the game or the company, we get extremely excited at the prospect of the game of bowling being absolutely obliterated; and today, that format happens to be through crushing a wooden skittle and – far more excitingly – a full bowling ball with a hydraulic press.
The presenter dude makes it on this one as well. And we’d recommend staying till the end for the hilarious bonus feature. This is 3:16 of your life you will not want to get back.
*Cue heavy metal intro*: “Welcome to the Hydraulic Press Channel. Today we have bowling special"