In a storyline that wouldn’t look out of place in an episode of South Park, a DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration) official in Utah has warned of the dangers of stoned rabbits if medical marijuana was to become legal in the state.
Special agent Matt Fairbanks told the Utah state senate: “Deforestation has left marijuana grows with even rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana."
“One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone." A comment sometime pot smokers may identify with.
The bill under discussion would not legalise cannabis to the extent it’s been made legal in Colorado, Alaska and Washington State, it would just be for medical use.
Jeremy Roberts, president of the company Medical Cannabis Payment Solutions, gave a brilliant response to Fairbanks, one that all Monty Python fans will smirk at. “I was kind of shocked to find out the killer rabbit of Caerbannog from Monty Python and the Holy Grail is actually in the Utah mountains."
He also pointed out this bill would only let marijuana be grown indoors so it wouldn’t affect the outdoor rabbit population.
Special Agent Fairbanks’s assertion that “I deal in facts. I deal in science" was left looking not especially watertight.
As for what symptoms these drug-crazed rabbits could be expected to exhibit, they’d be much the same as the ones that affect humans. So not remotely murderous but definitely showing a propensity for:
Getting the munchies…
Being a little twitchy…
Needing the odd tap on the nose…
But mostly just wanting to kip as much as possible…
Finally, no piece with the keywords “stoned" “rabbits" can be published without a hat tip to this guy.
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