The internet is awash with shark attacks, bear attacks, whale attacks… we even know what an octopus strike looks like but as far as we know this is the first video that gives us some insight as to what happens when tortoises attack.

And with much justification we should add. These tortoises were enjoying a little no doubt well-earned couple time on Assumption Island, north of Madagascar, when a National Geographic film team heard their love-making and sought them out for a little piece to camera.

Of course the arrival of some trying-to-be-quiet but actually SUPER LOUD humans killed their vibe in an instant and the dude tortoise, who was understandably narked, decided to give chase. Though as he only travels at 0.3 mph it was the slowest and least terrifying chase ever.

Still he defended his lady's honour, which will have hopefully reaped rewards for him once those pesky humans f**ked off his island to interrupt some other animals shagging.

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