How Not To Survive In The Wild: 9 Essential Tips That Only Real Men Will Understand

Nudity, mushrooms, and absinthe...

Wear Inappropriate Clothing

Everybody knows that thermal underwear is a capitalist conspiracy intended to rob adventurers of their hard earned dough. These so-called experts are like a broken record, repeatedly stating the benefits of dressing appropriately for the occasion.

Don’t let them suck you in. Wearing what you want, when you want, is a basic human right.

Still got that curry-stained t-shirt from the Carnage bar crawl of 2008? That’s perfect for a weekend in the woods. If you’re feeling particularly decadent, why not pack a cardigan and some trousers as well? Nature gets warm during the night, so make sure your layers are paper-thin.

In fact, I recommend you head to your local Ryman’s immediately and fashion an outfit from sheets of A4. Remember that paying for stationery is always optional.


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