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Skateboarding

37 Sure Fire Ways To Get Punched In The Face At A Skate Park

We strongly recommend that nobody actually tries out any of the following...

Skate parks are normally hubs for sick shredding and hanging out with your mates, but as our skate parks fights feature discovered, that’s not always the way they turn out.

So, because we’re always looking out for our readers here at Mpora, we’ve put together a list of actions that will almost definitely get you punched should you pull them off in a skate park.

Don’t try any of these when you’re spending a day at your local and you may just manage to get through the session unharmed…

1) Snake In Front Of Other Riders At Every Possible Opportunity

2) Make Each Of Your Runs Last At Least 15 Minutes

3) Choose One Rider And Ask For A Deep Analysis Of Their Run Every Time They Finish A Line

4) Slap Someone Much Bigger Than You Then Run Away. Repeat Until Caught

5) Turn Up In This Outfit And Challenge Everyone In The Park To A Game Of S-K-A-T-E. Win.

6) Only Practise Wheelies On The Flat Bottom. Do Not Move When Asked. Never Move When Asked.

7) Bring A Boombox Playing Disney Classics On Repeat. Learn The Words And Sing Every One Of Them

8) Shout Abuse At Young Kids Who Are With Their Parents And Are Just Trying To Learn. You Dickhead

9) Cry With Laughter Every Time Someone Bails

10) Stand At The Top of A Drop-in Yelling The Word ‘RAD’ And Never Actually Doing A Line of Your Own

11) Bring A Pogo Stick And Just F*cking Go For It

12) Take A Dump On Someone’s Skateboard When They’re Not Looking

13) Bring Two Friends And Have A Game Of Monopoly On The Flat Bottom. Tell Others They Can’t Use It Till You’re Done

14) When You See Someone Celebrate A Trick, Immediately Go And Nail The Same Trick After, Then Act Like It’s Nothing Special

15) Karate Chop People When They’re Not Looking. Make Sound Effects To Go Along With It

16) Continually Call The Best Rider In The Park Out On Being A Shit Rider

17) Sneak Up Behind People And Shout Samuel L. Jackson Quotes Until One Of Them Punches You

18) Try And One Up Everything That Anyone Does. Even When They’re Not Actually Riding

19) Become A Bee Keeper, Grow An Extensive Colony, Then Unleash Them Onto The Park When The Time Is Right

20) Rollerblade Around With No Respect For Anything But Your Own Wonderful Sense Of Fashion

21) Offer Other Riders Salt Or Pepper, Using The Line: “You Seem To Be Eating Shit A Lot, So You May As Well Season It”

22) Bring A Duvet And Pillows And Set Up A Bed On The Most Used Feature In The Park

23) Pretend You’re In Mario Kart And Chuck Banana Skins And Turtle Shells At As Many People As You Can

24) Set Up An Elaborate Picnic Operation At The Park Entrance

25) Take A Handsaw To Any Unattended Skateboards

26) Punch Yourself In The Face

27) Single Out One Person And Continually Cry On His Shoulder About How Much You Love Ryan Sheckler. Tears Of Obsession Are Encouraged

28) Pay A Dude £10 To Punch You In The Face

29) If On A BMX, Continually Cut Off Skaters. If On A Skateboard, Continually Cut Off BMXers

30) Get Naked And Try Get Everyone To Join You

31) Go Excessive With Your Wax To The Point Where Anyone Who Touches Anything Is Bound To Bail

32) Jump Out From Behind Kickers Dressed As Batman, Screaming “I Am The Batman”

33) Make Every ‘Yo Mama’ Joke You Know And Laugh Uncontrollably After Each. If You Only Know One, Tell It Over And Over Again

34) Ride The Ramps On An Office Chair With Wheels. When Told To F*ck Off, Reply: “I Have Just As Much Right To Ride Here As Anyone Else, Man!”

35) Pour Pints Of Milk On Yourself On The Flat Bottom Until Physically Prevented From Doing So

36) Bring Litres of Water and Pour It On As Many Skateboards As Possible

37) Don’t Apologise At Any Point For Doing Any Of The Above

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