Skiing Naked And Whacking Poles: G.N.A.R Is The Mountain Game You’ve Got To Play This Winter…

“The radder you are and the more you embarrass yourself, the more points you're going to get”

It’s not difficult to have a good time on the mountain. Skiing and snowboarding are generally pretty enjoyable.

Sometimes, though, you need a break from the big lines and flat out riding to just have a laugh – and that’s where ‘G.N.A.R’ comes in. It’s undoubtedly the best game on the mountain.

G.N.A.R was created for the slopes by Shane McConkey after Dr. Robb Gaffney released ‘Squallywood’ – a resort guide which gave each of the lines in Squaw Valley a numerical score.

But what does it stand for? ‘Gaffney’s Numerical Assessment of Radness’ of course. It’s a fitting abbreviation though – and some coincidence at that.

G.N.A.R plays on the stereotype of the douchey pro skier, and, most importantly, it allows you to compete with your buddies by being a bit of a twat on the mountain.

We feel local rider Greg Lindsey summed it up best when he said: “The radder you are and the more you embarrass yourself, the more points you are going to get.” Spot on really.

But you’re probably wondering what the points system consists of.

Well, the game sees you earn points for riding particularly rad lines or achieving particularly hilarious tasks, and lose points for doing anything uncharacteristically lame.

The full list of rules for G.N.A.R can be found in Robb Gaffney’s ‘Squallywood’, and you can watch the wonderful film here, but below are just some of the ways to score points in the game…

How To Score Points

Butt Naked (5000 points): Complete any full line butt naked. If you are jailed, you lose your lift pass or your clothes are stolen, you lose all your points.

First Chair (5000 points): Get the first chair lift on a powder day. 3,000 extra points on offer for cooking breakfast while you’re in the queue.

Ego Claim (500 points): After finishing a line, ski over to a group of strangers and shout ‘I’m the best skiier on the mountain.’ Also possible at the start of any chairlift ride with strangers.

Pro Call Out (500 points): Yell to any pro (or perhaps skiing instructor) – ‘Hey, I can’t believe you’re a pro! I’m totally better than you are!”

Fart Claim (500 points): Produce a fart in crowded gondola or equivalent and loudly state: ‘That was me!’

Mum Call (500 points): Call your mum while you’re riding a gnarly line. Anyone can kill tough runs – but this shows you can do it without a second thought.

Radness Yell (200 points): Before dropping into a line wave your arms vigorously in the air and yell out: “Hey! Check me out! I’m going to rip the shit out of this!”

Because “if nobody is there to see you getting rad, all you really getting rad at all?”

Pole Whacker (200 points): Vigorously whack your pole above a line for at least 30 seconds. Riding the line is not then required.

Steal Clothes (200 points): Steal the clothes of any competitor completing a ‘Butt Naked’.

Talk Smack (200 points): In a serious tone, without laughing, and just before dropping into a line, get the attention of a nearby stranger and say: “Hey. I’m better than you.”

How To Lose Points

Pass Pulled (-5000 points): A particular issue if you’re taking on the Butt Naked.

Day Ender (-3000 points): A fall or injury that means you can’t see out the day.

Cutting Line (-2500 points): Cutting the lift queue and being a dick.

Lose Two Skis (-2000 points): Only lose 1000 points if you lose a singular ski, but if you lose a snowboard in a crash, knock off 3000.

Tomahawk (-2000 points): Rolling two or more times after a crash.


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