How Skiers Have Historically Celebrated Valentine’s Day
What will you be getting up to on the 14th of February?
How will you be spending Valentine’s Day this year? Will you spend it intermittently swiping right and left on whatever dating app’s ‘in’? Or will you, even in these dark unprecedented lockdown times, find a way to celebrate it like the skiers and snowboarders of yesteryear did? Let’s show the world that a global pandemic is no match for… *checks notes*… the power of love.
Here’s a brief guide to how skiing enthusiasts have historically celebrated VD.
Excessive Consumption of Alcohol
Drinking alone. Drinking with a friend. Drinking with the love of your life (aka the Volkl Revolt 104). There’s often drinking involved. And with Valentine’s Day, in non-pandemic times at least, usually taking place in the middle of the shred season it’s no exaggeration to say that 99.99% of skiers traditionally spend the big VD getting well and truly on it at the apres.
Beer. Schnapps. More beer. More schnapps. Nothing says Vally-D in the mountains quite like consuming alcohol hundreds and hundreds of metres above sea level.
A day of love. A day of glug.
The Name’s Porn… Gear Porn
The curves, the rocker, the camber, the topsheet graphic; oooooh yes! Some people live a solitary life, some people like to spend Valentine’s Day just looking at nice ski gear. That’s cool. We totally and completely respect that. If this sounds like you, be sure to check out our Ski 100.
Total Removal of Clothes
Despite what some in the core, slightly paranoid, snowboarding community might think skiers are actually just flesh and bones like everyone else (I know right, it’s wild). There’s no lizard skin under our Planks jackets, no quad nipple thing going down. We’re just sacks of skin, meat, and bodily fluids like the rest of humanity.
Over the course of human history, skiers have embraced the art of getting naked like nobody else; stripping down to their birthday suits on countless occasions. Whether it’s been for a viral park video, for a Valentine’s Day throw down in the chalet, or for a very surreal two minute nude segment in the ski film ‘Valhalla’ – skiers just love getting their kit off.
If there’s one thing skiers live for in the middle of February, it’s the studying of weather forecasts. Is snow on the way? Will there be fresh pow to enjoy this week? 13th of Feb, 14th of Feb, 15th of Feb – it makes no difference what day it is. The map must be observed, its predictions closely studied.
“Here,” they’ll say to you while refreshing the BBC Weather app for the 385th time that day, “Have this half-eaten Milka bar I found at the back of the fridge. I didn’t have time to get you a proper gift, hope that’s alright. I was studying the air pressures.”
To be honest, we didn’t need much of an excuse to dig out this iconic video of the eternally charming, and extremely French, snowboarder Monsieur Poudreuse (not Ed Leigh in a wig).
In this episode of ‘The Mountain of Knowledge, our boy Poudreuse shows us all how to wax up our “steed” while simultaneously cooking a delicious meal. He might use a snowboard in the NSFW video example below but there’s no way skiers haven’t, in the privacy of their own kitchens, done something similar over the years. Romantic dinner for one? C’est parfait. Bon appetit.
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