What The Hell Is Going On Here? Is This The Future of Snowboarding?

1000 years from now, it's all four legged freaks and snowboard ballet...

This sounds like the stuff of some sort of elaborate Orwellian prank, but Franko-Kiwi snowboard crew Rusty Toothbrush have discovered a drone from 1000 years in the future.

Thankfully, it’s not filled with useless information about the cures for disease, poverty, and how humanity finally dealt with how the increasing population is burning through Earth’s precious resources.

This messenger from the future, instead, was jam packed with snowboarding videos. Thank fuck for that.

So, what lessons can we take from this?

There’s Still Snow

Photo: Rusty Toothbrush

It appears that global warming wont quite be as big-a-deal as current predictions suggest. There’s still plenty of snow knocking around in 3015.

Either that, or there’s some sort of new Ice Age shit going on. Either way, generations down the line, your descendents can still shred.


Free Love Reigns

Photo: Rusty Toothbrush

Just like in the summer of 1967, it appears that in the future, free love rules supreme once again. There are scenes, like the above, apparently depicting a couple of snowboarders who are a little more than just joined at the hip. Glorious.

Helmets appear not to be mandatory, but it may still be worth stocking up on some other forms of protection.


There Are Mutants That Rip

Photo: Rusty Toothbrush

There’s no news on how these four legged freaks came about, but we can speculate. The obvious rational is that some snowboarder was bitten by a radio active spider at some point.

But spiders have eight legs” you cry, foolishly. Again, the explanation is simple. The radio active spider had previously been bitten by a radio active fox. A four legged fox. Obvious when you think about it.


Snowboard Ballet is BIG

Strictly Come Dancing hits the slopes in this updated version of the 1980’s classic Ski Ballet. The big moves to look out for are the Back Tuck Summersault, A Zodiac Slide, Twisting Pole Flip, Rainbow Thumper, and the Raclette Und Rün.

We assume Snowboard Ballet was born out of everybody that likes arsing about on a piece of wood got sick of seeing Norwegians spinning eye splitting rotations to win comps. YAWN.

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