The Neon Onesie

Let’s begin with the frontrunner for worst fashion invention ever: the onesie. These blindingly-bright monstrosities first graced the pistes in the 1980s, when everyone from Jake Burton to Prince Charles was wearing one.

Now, they are only donned by lairy Brits while dancing on the tables of La Folie Douce as an ironic nod to their badly-dressed predecessors.

All we can say is only a sadist would invent something so difficult to go to the loo in.

Crazy Hats

We’re all for creative expression on the pistes, but noodle hats are taking it too far. These are probably the most awful blight the mountain has seen since the neon onesie.

It’s not just noodles and fake multicoloured dreads, there are animal ears too.

I understand you want to spot your child in a sea of identically wrapped up, helmeted sprogs. Just don’t put a rabbit on their head – and especially not on your head.

Shaun White’s Leather Outfit

Not even Russell Brand could pull off wearing leather to go snowboarding. It is simply the most unpractical material to ride in ever.

Think of that Friends episode where Ross wears leather trousers on a date. Combine that with physical exercise and you’ve created your own personal sweat bucket.

You also need a really good bum to pull of a pair of pants that tight. Even then, it’s bordering on indecent exposure.

Fake Goggle Tan

This has got to be a piss take… or is it? We know how hard seasonaires work to perfect a top notch, golden goggle tan. But would you really descend to faking it?

According to the Daily Mail (yes, we know…) women across the country are wearing goggles while getting a spray tan to achieve that overbaked goggle mark look. This is definitely up there with most ridiculous style misdemeanour so far.

Furry Moon Boot

Crocs and Uggs aside, Moon Boots are arguably the ugliest shoes ever invented.

They were inspired by the space boots Neil Armstrong wore when he landed on the moon. Add fur and you’ve got a truly terrible looking boot worn by snow bunnies the world over.

Fans argue they are warm but so is strapping two duvets to your feet. They’re also about as grippy on ice as Bambi’s hooves.

Helmets With Visors

Here he comes, riding down the slope with one of these strapped to his noggin. The 40-year-old dude who thinks he looks like da bomb because he’s got a visor instead of goggles.

Not acceptable unless you are riding a motorbike or dressed up like a Transformer. Otherwise you end up looking like a lame version of Robocop.

LNP

LNP or Laurent-Nicolas Paquin is a Quebecan pro snowboarder, notorious for his badass approach to rails and punky dress sense.

Think thigh-hugging, Pete Doherty-style skinny pants with a shirt he’s bought off eBay. Yep, LNP doesn’t dress like an ordinary sponsored snowboarder.

The combination of clashing patterns and uber-tight pantalons are a bone fide fashion error – but you’ve gotta give it to the guy. He can definitely pull it off.

Solar Powered Jacket

We’ve toiled through the fashion crimes of the past and present, but what about the future?

Take a look at this monstrosity – a jacket studded with solar-powered LED lights. It was made as part of Munich’s bid for the 2018 Winter Olympics. Needless to say, the jacket was about as successful as their bid.

If anyone can explain to us the purpose of an illuminated snowboard jacket (aside from a cunning device for cross-border drug smugglers), we’d appreciate it.

Joker Face Mask

Are you trying to rob a bank? This children’s face mask is both hideous and terrifying in equal measures.

I’m not sure the costume of a deceased man is exactly what parents envisaged wrapping their little darlings up for ski school in.

However, I am sure there is a whole army of pre-teen boys out there thinking this is the coolest thing ever.

Ear Muffs

Ear muffs should whole-heartedly be reserved for little girls with pigtails, not fully grown men.

If you’re going to wear ear muffs, don’t wear silly things pretending not to be ear muffs like this fella above. It just makes it worse.

I’ve spotted these a lot supposedly discreet contraptions on the Tube over the winter and they’re creeping onto the slopes at an alarming rate. What ever happened to a good ol’ fashioned beanie?!

Animal Print

Vogue may not agree with me on this one, but animal print is a tricky one to wear.

In small doses, it looks rad. In large, school dinner lady-sized dollops, you’ll look too much like Pat Butcher from Eastenders on a board.

Avoid a rap across the knuckles from the fashion police and don’t wear all these three at once. It’s been known to happen, trust us.

Gaiters With Snow Pants

For those who don’t know what a gaiter is (and really, only hikers do), they are fancy numbers that you strap around the bottom of trouser legs to stop them getting wet.

Apparently snow pants weren’t enough in 1987. Snowboarders wore gaiters as well.

They are the sartorial equivalent of tucking your trousers into your socks. Acceptable in the Peak District but nerdy and totally unnecessary in the world of snowboarding.

Fur Headbands

If fur jackets weren’t enough, fur headbands are on the rise.

They are mainly worn by public school girls dressed head-to-toe in Jack Wills and tend to be of the faux fur variety.

It only took the likes of Binki from Made in Chelsea to wear one before sales sky-rocketed and these fine furry creations were plonked on the head of every fashionista from Aspen to Courcheval.

Animal Face Mask

It’s a question we’ve already pondered in this countdown, but why do so many people want to look like animals on the mountain? It’s bizarre.

Here’s another eye-opener of a balaclava – this time with different raging animals featured on the outside. So your head can look like a saber-tooth tiger. Just what you always wanted.

When Fashion Tries To Do Snowboarding

It might seem contradictory but if you’re looking for the very worst fashion crimes of all, then look no further than a fashion magazine.

They are full of them – everywhere from designer photo shoots to luxury adverts. You can spot about five fashion crimes in this picture alone.

Furry boots!

Semi-nudity!!

Onesies!!!

Oh the horror, the horror.