1) Damn That’s Some Perfect Riding Weather. And Here I Am. I Need To Quit My Job


2) I Accidentally Typed ‘Bike’ Into My E-mail Again. “Can We Loop In Bike From Accounts Please" Does Not Make Sense. His Name is Derek

Photo: Shutterstock

3) Enter Password: “[insert model of mountain bike here]"


4) I Wonder If They’ve Noticed The Limp I Got On The Trails Yesterday. I Hope They Ask Me About It


5) Could I Get To The Trails and Back On My Lunch Hour? Almost Definitely Not. Maybe I'll Try One Day.


6) Look At All Those People in Cars Down Below. It’s So Sunny And They’re Driving. In Cars.

Photo: Shutterstock

7) He Can’t Actually Think He Looks Good in That? Roadies.

Photo: Shutterstock

8) That Guy Outside is on a Mountain Bike? Where’s He Going? There Are No Trails Around Here! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

Photo: Shutterstock

9) Does Derek Realise He Sounds Like A Tool? He Must. I Didn’t Know These Kinds of People Actually Existed.

Photo: Shutterstock

10) How Many More Weeks of This Sh*t Before I Can Afford To Upgrade My Bike Again?


11) Surely They Must Need Admin Staff In Whistler As Well...

Photo: Red Bull Content Pool

12) I Wonder If Frank Rides. I'll Name Drop Steve Peat Next Time I Talk To Frank And See How He Reacts

Photo: Shutterstock

13) Imagine Getting Paid to Go Mountain Biking. God I Hate Pros. If This Powerpoint Doesn’t Load Soon I’m Going To Chuck The Laptop Out The Window

Photo: Shutterstock

14) I Could Totally Gap This Staircase.

Photo: Shutterstock

15) Why Is Kevin Always So Stoked About Microsoft Excel? I Wish I Liked Anything As Much As Kevin Likes Microsoft Excel

Photo: Wikipedia

16) This Company Car Is Great. Why Don’t You Get Company Mountain Bikes?

A company car today, with any luck a mountain bike tomorrow... Photo: Tristan

17) I Wonder If Those Hills on The Horizon Have Any Good Trails.

Photo: Shutterstock

18) I Can’t Believe How Much Money Kevin Makes. Probably Spends His Weekends on Microsoft Excel. He Could Afford a Trek Session.


19) Please Arnold, Tell Me Again About Your Weekend Plans For Cheese Tasting in Devon.


20) Is It Just Me Or Does This Coffee Mug Look Like A Wheel? What About That Coaster? What About That Clock? God. It’s Only One O’Clock. I Hate Life

Photo: Shutterstock

21) Boss Has Gone To Lunch. Time To Watch New Edit... On InPrivate Browser

Photo: Shutterstock

22) It’s Only 3 Days, 4 Hours, 38 Minutes And 55 Seconds Till I’m Back on the Trails. 54 Seconds Now


23) This Computer Is Taking Longer To Load Than It Takes To Get Back To The Trail. I Really, Really Wish There Was A Local Uplift System.

Photo: Shutterstock

24) It’s Raining Outside. Trails Are Going To Be Super Muddy By The End of the Week. I’m Going To Have To Powerhose My Bike For About Four Hours

Photo: Callum Jelley

25) Did He Just Say Peat? Oh, Eat? I've had lunch but thanks.

Photo: Shutterstock

26) What Am I Doing This Weekend? Just Riding A Few Trails. Please let it be the weekend now.

Photo: Shutterstock

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