1) Shout "SHARK" when it gets quiet out back
2) Reverse the car over your mate's new surfboard
3) Put your wetsuit on like this
4) Wear scuba goggles because you don't want your contact lenses to fall out
5) Make it a personal aim to drop in on every single local
6) Wake up and tell your mates to go back to bed because it's flat...
Chris Van Lennep
7) Yoink a stranger's towel down in the car park - and run away laughing
8) Ingest sewage water and get the shits for three days straight
9) Leave your key under the wheel of your car and come back to find this...
10) Do this with your surfboard at every given opportunity
11) Try to communicate with locals by speaking LOUDLY…AND…SLOWLY…IN…ENGLISH
12) Shout over to your mate, "I think I just saw an aqua turd floating over there"
13) Or alternatively, "Mate, that smells like one of yours..."
14) Have sex really loudly in your van in the car park
15) Leave wax on the dashboard of your friend's fancy new automobile
16) Tell your beginner friend that they definitely do not need to wax their board
17) Insist on blasting Destiny's Child's Greatest Hits through the car speakers while you get changed
18) And accuse grannies in the car park of perving on you...
19) Say to the person next to you in the line-up in a serious tone: “I’m the best surfer out here, by the way..."
20) Call a wave... and then back out last minute
21) Say to all your mates: "I think I'd like to take up bodyboarding..."