You Should Really Know What Do Your Boardshorts Say About You...
People will probably judge you by what you wear...
"Momma always says there's an awful lot you could tell about a person by their shoes," said Forrest Gump. Damn right, Forrest. We could say the same about surfers and their boardshorts.
It's amazing that you require so few clothes to surf, yet choosing one pair over another makes a real statement.
Obviously, it doesn't really matter what you wear when you're out in the line-up. But I bet you've seen a couple of these boardie-wearing fellas wandering around the beach.
Take a look at our extremely informative (read: 100% absolutely, undeniably scientific) guide to what your boardshorts say about you....
[part title="The First-Timer"]
Hawaiian print is a classic example of newbie to surfing.
Pair this with an elasticated waist and a pair of Adidas slide flip flops, you've got a textbook example of someone who's never surfed before. Or at least never further than a couple of foamie lessons in Cornwall.
They're usually seen armed with a bodyboard and dodgy tan lines. [part title="The Hipster"]
The Hipster wants to embrace boardshorts, but without seeming like he's trying too hard. So, he picks the fashionable aztec look that's as ubiquitous as the checked shirt nowadays.
This surfer will probably ride a longboard and prefer his post-surf feast to consist of a craft beer and organic beef burger with caramelised onion relish and fancy applewood cheese. [part title="The Teenage Boy"]
The Teenage Boy is a short-boarder with a strong appreciation of the female form.
He decorates his bedroom walls with FHM posters, and spends his spare time furiously hammering the buttons of his X Box remote.
He is a big fan of Alana Blanchard, South Park, and blasting music out of his phone on the bus.
[part title="The Big Shot"]
There aren't many who would spend £140 on a pair of boardies. Apart from The Big Shot.
He is likely to be a banker, Russian oligarch or both. The Big Shot will turn up at the beach in his convertible Porsche with a personalised number plate and toothpick board sticking out the back seat.
He'll flaunt the most expensive boardies on the planet, explaining how important revolutionary the "re-engineered minimal fly closure" is, before inviting you to check out his abs.
[part title="The Dad"]
The Dad doesn't really surf, but he loves embarrassing his kids by wearing the loudest shorts on the market along with an Australian cork hat and suncream smears still visible on his face.
He spends his time on the beach unsuccessfully trying to erect the windbreaker, while his family groan at having to hear the same "windbreaker story" for the twentieth time over.
[part title="The Essex Lad"]
Super tight, short and brightly coloured, The Essex Lad is more likely to be seen posing in these on the beach than anywhere near the water.
He likes the idea of surfing, but can never quite commit to getting his hair wet or ultimately, the humiliating process that is learning to surf. You'll mainly find him lathering his torso with tanning oil and flexing his biceps for the ladies.