We Got The Shin Kicked Out Of Us By Some Angry Englishmen... All In The Name Of Sport
"His legs were the size of blue whales!" - Mpora gets angry at the Cotswold Olimpicks!
The fourth episode of Mpora’s Eccentric Adventures series sees Fathead risk life and limb, or rather life and shin – sorry – as he takes on the shin-kicking at the Cotswold Olimpicks.
The Cotswold Olimpicks are made up of a series of sporting events including the tug o’ war, the ‘Champion of the Hill’ contest and of course the coveted shin-kicking.
They are not to be confused with the actual Olympic Games, though we do admit this would be a rather difficult mistake to make. As far as we know, Fathead didn’t come across any lycra-clad high-jumpers looking a little bit lost.
Eccentric Adventures Episode 4: Everything You Never Needed to Know About the Highland Games
What is it? According to the official website, The Cotswold Olimpick Games were “probably" first held in 1612, because, y’know, that’s the kind of thing they were into back then.
The shin-kicking is the crown jewel of the historic games, and sees two competitors grapple each other and attempt to hammer each other’s shins until one of them falls to the ground. The last man standing is the winner and advances to the next round of the knock-out style tournament until only the champion remains!
While it is regularly described as an “English martial art", we still wouldn’t recommend trash-talking any rivals with a boast about your shin-kicking skills the next time you get in a bar fight.
Where is it? The Cotswolds of course, in south-central England!
Who enters? The kind of people who are rarely seen wearing anything other than hiking boots, with legs wider than tree-trunks and an undying urge to kick the absolute shit – sorry, shins – out of whoever is standing next to them.
Can I enter? You can indeed! Competitors for the shin-kicking event can register on the night of the Games, with registration opening at 6pm and shutting two hours later. Registration is free but spots do fill up quickly!
How did Fathead do? Given that he’s never tried shin-kicking before – at least not on the big stage – Fathead put in a more than respectable effort. He kicked his way through to the semi-finals, and even then only lost out to a man with “legs the size of blue whales."
He definitely earned his Stella and cigarette come the full-time whistle, anyway.