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Amazing Animals

7 Adorable-Looking Animals That Could Kill You In An Instant

Thought seals and pandas were cute? These stories will make you think again...

There are plenty of intimidating animals that are obviously out to get you – from fang-toothed wild cats and gargantuan bears to lethal sharks and massive poisonous snakes.

But nature can be a cunning opponent and sometimes it likes to create creatures that take a more subtle approach to the business of killing.

The seal is forced to bash the body of its hapless victims on the surface of the water to tear off digestible chunks

These animals lure you in with googly eyes and infuriatingly strokeable fur… at least that is until they sink their poisonous little teeth into your arm and leave you crying for mummy.

Don’t believe everything you see – these seven cute critters could definitely take you out.

 

1) The Slow Loris

This adorable little ball of fluff is a slow loris. It’s a nocturnal critter which explains the unfeasibly cute, saucer-like eyes that make it hard for it to do anything without people going “awww”.

Even the loris’ defensive posture makes you want to hug him rather than recoil in terror. But that could be the last mistake you ever make.

The lovable tree dweller is actually loaded with enough poison to kill a human easily… and it’s all hidden in the animal’s elbows!

The loris secretes a toxin from its brachial glands that when mixed with its saliva causes a nasty reaction, possible anaphylactic shock and even death.

When heading off somewhere dangerous or feeling threatened the loris will often lick its elbows and cover itself and even its family in this grim mixture.

He’s trying to murder you with his poisonous elbows

Far from trying to look cute when he puts his hands over his head, the loris is actually trying to murder you out with his poisonous limb hinges.

One of these mini killers even took a punt at Lady GaGa recently, so next time you see a little guy throwing a double fist pump for tickles make sure he’s had a bath first!

2) The Leopard Seal

Aww he’s so cu-

Arggh! Kill it with fire!

The leopard seal may look like a blubbery mass of flipper smacking comedy but it’s actually a deadly killer.

With a powerful body and curious personality the seal is a lethal hunter that rivals even the dreaded killer whale.

These slippery assassins primarily feed on fish, penguins and other seals but they have also been known to hunt humans

The beast comes equipped with rows of one inch canines which are great for piercing flesh but not so useful for cutting it into bite sized morsels.

This means that the seal is forced to bash the body of its hapless victims again and again on the surface of the water to tear off digestible chunks, resulting in gory scenes like this every time it eats.

These slippery assassins primarily feed on fish, penguins and other seals but they have also been known to hunt humans and at up to 3.5 meters long and capable of weighing 600kg, this is a fight you’re not likely to win.

3) The Cassowary

Looking like it fell into a drag queen’s wardrobe and came out wearing whatever stuck to it first, the Cassowary doesn’t seem like it would pose much of a threat.

But don’t let its flamboyant appearance fool you because this is actually one of the most dangerous birds in the world.

Possibly descended from a line of prehistoric flightless birds called emuaris, the cassowary shares the same cold blooded killer instinct as its dinosaur ancestors.

Like a feathery velociraptor the cassowary comes equipped with a 5 inch long claw on each of its feet which can tear through car doors and the similarities don’t end there.

It has a 5-inch-long claw on each of its feet which can tear through a car door!

Capable of speeds up to 31mph and with a vertical jump of around 1.5 meters this bird is an agile killer.

The cassowary is also known to deliberately outflank humans and other prey… meaning that your worst Jurassic Park nightmares could actually come true.

4) The Giant Panda

The panda, an animal so docile it sometimes can’t even be bothered to have sex, is actually more dangerous than you might think.

Photo: Momotarou2012

The monochrome bear has teeth which can crunch down with more than 2.5 tonnes of pressure and claws that look like a horror movie prop.

Though they spend most of their time eating bamboo pandas are officially classed as carnivores and there have been several documented attacks on humans  which have resulted in serious maulings and disabling injuries for their victims.

There have been several documented cases of serious maulings of humans

Maybe it just pisses them off when silly drunk people are looking for a hug?

With all this in mind it’s a good job that they can be scared off by a quick sneeze:

5) The Beaver

The humble beaver is far more than just a log chewing machine. With a powerful tail and iron reinforced teeth this buck toothed dam builder can definitely take you out.

As the second largest rodent in the world, the beaver has been known to attack canoists, swimmers and even walkers causing wounds deep enough to kill by severing major arteries.

Beavers have also been known to make use of their surroundings. In one bizarre incident they even tricked a hapless human into blowing up his ex-girlfriend as he attempte to remove a dams from his property… or at least that’s what he said.

6) The Chimpanzee

Don’t believe the movies (well, apart from Planet of the Apes), because are anything but cuddly – in real life they’re more likely to tear Tarzan’s face off than play the loveable sidekick.

As one of the only other species apart from humans to go to war, these violent apes are not to be messed with.

Twice as strong as us and vicious enough to cause disfiguring injuries chimpanzees have frequently killed humans.

Chimps are one of the only other species apart from humans to go to war

These nasty primates also practice cannibalism from time to time and make use of weapons and tools when they hunt.

Demonstrating an intelligence that’s similar to our own it might not be long before they start smacking their lips in our direction too.

7) The Giant Anteater

A creature that feeds mostly on one of the smallest animals in the food chain might not seem like a threat, but this fuzzy haired behemoth can take armed men out just by grabbing them.

In 2014 giant anteaters killed two hunters in Brazil using their long, knife-like claws to puncture the men’s arteries.

In 2007 a zoo-keeper was disemboweled by one of the creatures.

Thankfully this behaviour is pretty rare, and mostly occurs in cases of self defence with the 7-foot insect muncher normally reserving its claws for pulling apart termite mounds and acid-spitting ants nests.

Lucky for us then that these beasts are normally quite peaceful. Which is just what you’d expect from an animal that can happily take a face full of formic acid just to enjoy a hearty breakfast.

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