Scientists have discovered that sharks love death metal. Initially it was believed that sharks first started listening to Guns N’ Roses before having their heads turned by Nirvana, which then lead on to a natural musical path of discovery to hardcore bands, before eventually ending up at death metal in their listening habits.
However, this early theory has now been debunked as nonsense, probably typed by a writer wanting to pad out some news about sharks and novelty shout-rock. In fact, death mental puts out the same low-frequency resonance as fish when played under water.
Sharks don’t so much hear the music, as detect this low resonance, which happens to be almost identical to the effect caused by large groups of fish. In short, sharks hear Napalm Death and think it’s dinner. They don’t know their Lamb Of God from their lamb bhuna.
Fictional Sharkologist Dr Calum Jelly of Northern University in The North has confirmed that while sharks do react positively to death metal, they’re indifferent to EDM (formerly known as ‘dance music’), have an ironic appreciation for poodle rock, and don inline skates and shout at their parents when they hear Nickleback. Curious.