2) Bravery

If your ball-and-chain is a surfer, you won’t have to worry about them bottling it when the guy with the prison tattoos kicks off during a Friday night in Wetherspoons.

Given they willingly tackle waves that would have most humans filling their speedos from the safety of the shore, surfers aren’t lacking in the bravery department.

Seriously, sometimes we wonder how they manage to surf at all, given the size of the balls and the fact they have to have to tackle waves like Pipeline, Chop-o, and Shippies. And that’s just the women! Guffaw.

4) Downstairs Hygiene

How can we put this delicately? Err… Surfers tend to keep their garden well attended. They keep their basement free from clutter. They don’t let fluff clog up the washing machine. Getting the picture? Pubes! We’re talking pubic hair. Or, more specifically, the lack thereof.

While not universal, in the same way that some road cyclists apparently don’t shave their legs (so we’re told) most surfers keep their downstairs at least trim, if not balder than Kojak in a Veet factory.

Why? Well the theory goes that cold water can make male surfers, err, shrivel a little downstairs, and a long mane around that area can act like an egg slicer when blood flow allows their short-board to become a long-board once again. The solution? Keeping it trim.

And the women, of course, are equally neat, although we remember enough from GCSE biology to know that it’s not because of the same potential penal pitfalls.

5) Navigation

Bag yourself a surfer, and your days of getting lost are over, no matter where you are in the world.

This mystical in-built satnav comes from a desire not to share the waves at popular breaks with tourists, and kooks who don’t know their bottom turn from their Sheppard’s Bush. Surfers spend almost as much time scouring the country for hidden, crowd-free surf spots as they do actually surfing.

As such, they develop a mental map that means being stranded in the middle of nowhere is a thing of the past. Just don’t fall for their bullshit about the surf gods pointing you the right way.

7) Fitness

Surfers make catching waves look effortless. However, as anybody that’s ever tried getting as far as just standing on a board will confirm, it’s a real work out.

Surfing burns anything between 200 and 500 calories an hour.

As such, the chances of being disappointed the first time you see your surfing other half in the buff are lower than a musical theatre impresario attendance during a vote on working tax credits.

There’s virtually no part of the body that doesn’t get a solid work out every time you surf, so bagging a surfer virtually always means hooking up with a certified Hotty McHotterson from Bam T’ing Town, fam.

8) Fitness

And yes, surfers are the other kind of fit. The kind of ‘fit” that people wearing clothes from Sports Direct say when they’re not terrorising grannies on shopping precincts. Good looking. Visually arresting. Aesthetically pleasing.

Call it what you will, surfers are a good looking bunch.

We can prove it. Google Image Search ‘Ugly surfers’. Go on. We’ve just tried. Even the rough ones are still irritatingly handsome devils, and drop dead gorgeous women.

9) Nails

We’ve already presented evidence suggesting that surfers are both brave, and physically fit, but let’s not forget that they’re absolutely nails. Harder than a brick out-house.

Just take Aussie surfer Mick Fanning for example. During a World Surf League competition at Jeffreys Bay in South Africa, Fanning was attacked live on TV by a massive Great White shark.

Hipster, Big Wave Or Yuppie: What Kind Of Surfer Are You?

Now, old Mick would have been forgiven for soiling his wetsuit and trying to somehow magic the toothy bastard away. But not Mick. He’s a surfer and, as such, is full on nails.

Rather than run, Fanning actually took the fight to the shark, throwing punches in bunches.

Immediately after tackling the Great White, Fanning was interviewed by the press who asked how he dealt with the living nightmare that unfolded just moments earlier. “I punched it in the back!” he confirmed with a chuckle. Solid.

10) Cool

Hook up with a surfer, and your own cool score will immediately increase by at lest four points. Life, it appears, is just so effortless for them, and it can’t help but rub off on you.

Granted, so will the smell of surf wax, and their dry-lank hair will no doubt soon be all over your clothes, but that doesn’t matter because… because, well, because you’re cooler now.

Coolness is like an invincibility cloak. No matter what bad shit happens, if you’re cool, everybody else will think it’s intentional, and the fashionable thing to do. Embrace it, roll with it. You’re cool now you’ve bagged a surfer. Certainly too cool to ever talk about invisibility cloaks.

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