1) Hydration

As a nation we love a pint. Or two. Or three. Monday to Thursday we’re dedicated to pub-based practice ready for the boozy main event; a weekend of pints, brightly coloured alco-pops, and fish bowls full of god knows what, all with the aim of getting as drunk as possible as quickly as possible.

But while you might think that would hold us back in the quest for sporting glory, we reckon it probably helps.

As Lemmy from Motorhead allegedly discovered, if you’re going to throw your drummer down a flight of hotel stairs they will bounce unharmed through the otherwise bone-shattering pounding if they’re morbidly drunk.

“If you’re going to throw yourself down a flight of stairs on a BMX or a trials bike, surely it helps to be hammered?”

By the same token, if you’re going to throw yourself down a flight of stairs on a BMX or a trials bike, surely it helps to be hammered?

Learning any of the tricks that riders like Danny MacAskill* do means a lot of heavy, heavy slams. Perhaps it’s our love of a swift pint or six that protects us from broken collar bones and dislocated knees?

Maybe by relaxing muscles and deadening pain alcohol acts like a suit of armour for us Brits, enabling us to be world-beating trial riders.

*Incidentally we’re not for a second suggesting that Danny MacAskill learned his tricks drunk, or gets shit-faced before he tries them. But if you were to ask US to try those tricks we’d have to be hammered to give them a go…

4) ‘Medication’

Once again, this summer the questionable Legal Highs stall will be among the busiest at most UK festivals. Meanwhile according to the European Drug report, we consume more of the illegal variety than any other country in Europe.

While we obviously don’t condone or encourage any erm.. “nefarious behaviour” here at Mpora, but from molly loving club kids to sandal wearing stoners, drugs are as much a part of British culture as cakes named after Northern villages.

But is our love of narcotics all bad? Think about it. The very thought of pulling a front flip flair on a 10 metre-high vert ramp would be enough to send most mere mortals insane.

And while you could combine decades of experience, training, and clean living to overcome such a mental challenge, you could also take the easy option and get high.

Let’s face it, seeing steel coping racing towards your head as you rotate through two axes is nothing compared to the pink dragons you see emerging from your skirting board after a heavy session on the Cuban Purple Bombers.

So there you have it – the key to why we Brits are so dominant on two wheels: being fat, drunk, high and miserable.

Well, either that or years of hard work, dedication, commitment, practice, and pursuing a healthy lifestyle combined with a booming cycling scene and lottery grant funding. But I know which one I’m choosing to believe in.

Now, where did I put that Pizza di Action menu?