"Yeah, thanks kids, a novelty golf tee and a selection of tiny whiskies are just what I wanted," said no one, ever.
A sports massage, some adidas Ultra Boost, a Strava Premium subscription, and a weighted skipping rope however…
The running dad
“I badly, badly want a pair of adidas Ultra Boost, because A) the reviews I've read make them sound intriguingly mad to run in; B) they look fit and I want to fondle them; C) they cost £130, which I can't justify spending on a pair of shoes, which only makes me want them more.
“My two daughters will probably make me a card, which'll be all very heartwarming and blah de blah, but honestly, I'd much prefer it if they were to chonk £65 each on a pair of Ultra Boost for their dear old pa."
The cycling dad
"The perfect cycling-related Father's Day gift, eh?
"I considered a few answers to this before settling on a mountain bike skills course. Good ones aren’t cheap, but choose the right instructor and even advanced riders can get a lot out of some expert coaching. ProRideGuides (courses from £85) and UK Bike Skills (gift vouchers available from £10) are good.
"And the best thing is that you can take those skills away, embed them in your riding and pass them on to your kids when the time is right.
"Of course I'd never actually suggest what I might like for Father's Day, so I'll look forward to getting my new 'I love you Daddy' mug then..."
The footballing dad
"Short of my two boys chipping together and getting me a season ticket for Manchester United (the same season ticket I reluctantly gave up when the first was born), I suppose a more realistic option would be a 2014/15 season review on dvd. But seeing as there weren't many highlights last year, I'd be happy to give that a swerve.
"Actually what I'd like most for Father's Day is for next season's United kit (2014/15 kit now on sale from £26) not to have buttons on it so I can get it for my eldest. Buttons give him the heebie jeebies. What an unselfish father I am. I shall surely go to heaven. Where I'll sink pints with George Best and Duncan Edwards."
The CrossFit dad
"I’d really like a skipping rope. Not just any skipping rope though, an RX skipping rope ($42.95/£26.99).
"They’re totally customisable so you can get exactly the right length rope for your height, you can choose from different weights – so you can get the right resistance for speed and doing fancy tricks like double unders – and there are around 40 different handle options and colours. They're pretty much the ultimate in skipping ropes."
The triathlon dad
"The difficulty with triathlon is a lot of the kit’s so expensive my girls wouldn’t be able to afford it, but I would love it if I could just have a bit more free time for training – being a dad and fitting in those long bike rides isn't easy.
"Like most people I'm terrible at looking after myself so a sports massage would be great. I’d also be pretty happy with any of the nutrition that I chew through on races, it’s reasonably priced and I’m definitely going to use it.
The yoga dad
"Practising yoga twice a week has really helped me to focus and enjoy the experiences of fatherhood. For Father's day this year, instead of the usual chocolates and No.1 Dad gifts – which I actually love – I would really like to try a father-son yoga class. It would be really special to experience the yoga lifestyle with my son.
"I’ve recently signed up to a new membership card somuchmore (14-day free trial, subscription from £69) which lets me practice at lots of different yoga studios and discover new teachers, so I wouldn’t mind a month’s subscription to that too."