Desperate Dan cow pie

Desperate Dan cow pie

Saturated fat fans of the world, rejoice! It’s British Pie Week (March 2-8), which means even if you must fill your evenings with kettlebells and ketones, it’s actually illegal to not fill your face with at least one pie.

Yeah yeah, we know: pies, in all their buttery, heart attacky lushness, aren't exactly a superfood. And yes, you’re probably healthier watching some kind of Sunday morning pie-porn (#JamesMartinHomeComforts) instead of eating one – but you can eat all the pies you want, provided you're prepared to work hard to burn them off.

“If beer and bacon were health foods, I’d be as skinny as a rake, and when it comes to sinful eating, I also love a good pie," says James Ellis, a Leeds-based personal trainer and general nutrition guru.

The tastiest pies will probably use suet, lard or dripping

“What you really need to look out for is the amount of trans-fats a pie contains. The tastiest ones will probably use suet, lard or dripping in the pastry, which are all artery cloggers. And just make sure you work extra hard the next day to burn those calories off."

Even personal trainers scoffs pies, see? Here's how to have your pie and eat it and what you'll need to do if you want to wolf a pie this week and then burn the bugger off as if it never even happened.

How to have your pie and eat it

How to have your pie and eat it