Words by Chris Moran | Lead photo by Simon Pilley
If there’s one message that’s gotten through from the relentless barrage of social media quotes and inspirational films, it’s that life would be a whole lot better if we put that Twix Xtra down, got off our fat arses, and went outside to actually do something.
So it was in that spirit that Mpora decided to take on the 2016 Hooper Hooner: a downhill mountain bike race held at the epic Tidworth Bike Park in Wiltshire. “It’s just for a laugh,” said friend-of-Mpora and TBP local Alfie Bacon, “no-one takes it seriously, and all the jumps are either rollable or you can go around them.”
“Riding a bike might be easy, but so is having a wank. Add 300 spectators though and it’s suddenly a different matter.”
Hmmm… it sounded too good to be true. So, how did we do? Yes we ate some donuts (it was freezing and you know, energy). Yes we won ‘best crash’ of the day (seriously)*. And yes, we came dead-last (those last two facts might be intertwined). But did we have fun? Fuck yeah.
And I’ll tell you something else for god-damned-certain too: it means we can talk from experience when we say that here are the Ten Things You Should Never Do in Your First Ever Mountain Bike Race.
*Scroll straight to number 8 if you wanna just see the crash.