Mountain Biking

17 Infuriating Arguments Every Mountain Biker Has Had With Their Flatmate

“Surely you don't need so many bikes? And can you please keep them outside?"

1) “You left a trail of dirt in the hallway/kitchen/every other part of the flat”

Answer: “I got at least 95% of the dirt off before I came back in. If that’s not a victory then I don’t know what is.”

2) “Do you really have to wash your bike in the shower?”

Answer: “Until you buy me a hose… Yes.”

3) “You left your blood in the shower again”


Answer: “I’m sorry my literal bleeding is causing you so much pain.”

4) “Can we go on a nice hike today? It’s so sunny!”

Answer: “Absolutely fucking not.”

5) “Can you stop subtly adding pieces of bike-related decor to the living room?”

Answer: “They’re not decor, they’re accessories… and they’re important. Even the old ones.”

6) “Does the walk-in closet really have to have four bikes in it?”

Answer: “Well with a few parts we could turn it into a proper bike storage unit…”

7) “Does the living room really have to be a bike storage unit?”

Answer: “Well the closet is full…”

8) “It’s a bit of a hassle to get past your bike out on the staircase each morning, could you leave it outside?”

Answer: “Could you leave yourself outside?”

9) “Why do you even have so many bikes? Is one not enough?”

Answer: “No.”

10) “But that’s bullshit about wheel size. It can’t make that much of a difference!”

Answer: “Wrong.”

11) “I don’t care if it’s a downhill world cup weekend, [insert football team here] are playing”

Answer: “Huck the staircase on my full sus and i’ll let you watch what you want.”

12) “You can take it to the bike shop tomorrow, you promised we’d go into town today”

Answer: “It’ll only take five minutes” *comes back three hours later with new bike*

13) “It’s just you’re always flaking out because you have no money… and then I find these bike shop receipts”

Answer: “I’m sorry… that you found those receipts. I’ll hide them better next time.”

14) “…But I need to use the washing machine now too!”

Answer: “I’m currently 60% mud, and you don’t want to know what the other 40% is. I’m going to use the washing machine now or roll around on your bed for the next hour. Your call”

15) “A lift would be great… But could you clean your car before we go?”

Answer: “The only thing I care less about than cars is their cleanliness and your opinion. In fact, I’m going to go make it dirtier”

16) “You take half the paint off the doorframe every time you try to get that bike into the cupboard”

Answer: “Yes, you’re right. But in my defence, it’s really fucking difficult to get the bars through the door.”

17) “You know you really shouldn’t knock trail running until you’ve given it a shot”

Answer: “I’m leaving. And i’m taking my cactus with me.”

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