Mountain Biking

34 Reasons Why You Should Never Go Mountain Biking

Anyone who claims they like mountain biking is clearly lying...

1) If Someone Ever Tells You That Mountain Biking Is Fun… Don’t Listen To Them

Photo: Shutterstock

2) It’s All An Elaborate Lie

Photo: Eddie TK/Flickr

3) You Have To Ride Through Dark, Muddy Trails…

4) …Over Steep Hills

Photo: Shutterstock

5) …Under Depressing Skies


6) …Through Ugly Tree After Ugly Tree

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

7)  In Fact, You Never Get To See Anything Other Than Trees

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

8) Seriously, If I Have To Look At Another View Like This, I’m Going To Pack It In

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

9) You Can’t Do It In The City, So What’s The Point?

Photo: Red Bull Content Pool

10) All Mountain Biking Is Pretty Much The Same

Photo: Red Bull Content Pool

11) There’s Basically No Sense Of Danger…

12) …And Once You’ve Done One Trail, You’ve Done Them All

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

13) The Bikes Are Pretty Freakin’ Ugly…

Photo: Alistair McLean (

14) …As Is The Bulk of the Other Gear

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

15) Some Trails Are Just Far TOO Fast To Look Cool

Photo: Laurence Crossman-Ems

16) And There’s Just No Reward For The Slow Climbs

Photo: Shutterstock

17) You Never Get To See Any Wildlife Either

Photo: Shutterstock

18) And The Places You Can Ride Are Just So Limited

Photo: Strava

19) You Never Have the Chance To Test Yourself Against Other Riders

Photo: Shutterstock

20) There’s Nobody To Look To For Inspiration

Photo: Laurence Crossman-Ems

21) And All The Other Riders on the Tracks Are Always Such Tools

Photo: Shutterstock

22) Either That or You’ll End Up With Too Many Friends…

23) …And They’ll FORCE You Into Having A Few Beers After You’ve Finished Riding

Photo: Nina Zietman

24) The Trails Are Always Too Busy

Photo: Dan Milner

25) Crowded With Cars and Pollution And Buses And Litter…

Photo: Shutterstock

26) … And There’s Just No Way You Can Possibly Make Them Different Or Better

Photo: Red Bull

27) …So There Really Is Not Much Fun in Mountain Biking At All

Photo: Laurence Crossman-Ems

28) No Challenge

Photo: Crankworx

29) No Scenery

30) No Adrenaline

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

31) No Exciting Festivals or Big Events To Attend

32) And Certainly No Sense of Achievement

Photo: Laurence Crossman-Ems

33) So Next Time Someone Tells You They Actually LIKE Doing This

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

34) Tell Them The Game is Up. Mountain Biking is The Worst. And They Know It

Photo: Tristan Kennedy

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