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Mountain Biking

43 Things British Mountain Bikers Say That Nobody Else Will Understand

A lot gets lost in translation when British mountain bikers talk. Here's what they really mean...

Mountain biking in Britain is some of the best in the world; from the rolling hills of England to the mountainous heights of Scotland and beautiful trails of Northern Ireland and Wales.

But unless you’re based in the UK, you may not understand the things that actually come out the mouth of the British riders – even if you do speak perfect English.

See, the surface politeness that sees Brits say one thing and mean something completely different entirely encompasses the world of mountain biking. Here are a few examples…

  1. “You looked like you’ve had fun today!” – You look like you’ve eaten a kilogram of mud.
  2. “Nice bike you’ve got there” – I think my bike is better than yours.

  1. “Very nice bike you’ve got there!” – You have the same bike as me.
  2. “I’m a bit tired today” – I am hungover.
  3. “It’s just a few weeks old” – You’re not having a go.
  1. “Just remember to hide the receipts, right!” – Don’t fucking start.
  2. “Is he riding today?” – Please tell me he’s not riding today.
  3. “He’s alright once you get to know him” – He’s an absolute knob-head.
  4. “It rings a bell” – I have never heard of whatever you are talking about

  1. “You’ve ridden that trail before?” – Surely you’re not good enough to ride that trail?
  2. “We going for a drink after?” – Can we stop immediately and drink pints until dark?
  3. “I’m driving” – Yes, but not till we get back to the local.
  4. “Are we doing rounds?” – If you leave after I buy this round, I will never speak to you again.
  5. “Yeah, that trail was great” – We’re not doing it again are we?

  1. “See my fall up there?” – How many of my eight falls did you see?
  2. “I hit the first jump” – I went around all of the jumps.
  1. “The Black Diamond?” – Please say no and suggest something else.
  2. “Do you mind if I ask how much it costs?” – Do you mind if I ask how you afforded that?
  3. “I felt that one in the legs” – Please no more uphill.
  4. “Didn’t expect to see you out today!” – Leave me alone.
  5. “Anyway I’ll leave you to it!” – Seriously, leave me alone.
  6. “It could be worse.” – It could not be worse.

  1. “Those trail runners are cheeky” – Those trail runners need to fuck off.
  2. “Yeah, that’s interesting” – I stopped listening to you long ago.
  3. “It was working yesterday” – I’ve fucked it.
  4. “Fuck” – Puncture.
  5. “It’s an interesting choice” – It’s the wrong choice.
  6. “I’m taking the hardtail out today” – My full sus bike is severely broken.

  1. “It was a bit rocky for me” – I jumped off my bike when you weren’t watching.
  2. “It was a bit steep for me” – I jumped off my bike when you weren’t watching.
  3. “It was a bit slippy for me” – I fell near enough the entire way down that trail.
  4. “I need to buy a new bike light for winter” – I’m using light as an excuse to sit on my sofa.
  5. “He’s one of those gym types” – He’s a bell-end.

  1. “Let’s give it a go” – This is going to be a disaster.
  2. “Ready as I’ll ever be” – This is going to be an absolute disaster.
  3. “Let’s start on the blue” – I’m scared.
  4. “I just picked it up down the local bike shop” – It was far too expensive.

  1. “Racing is not for me anymore” – Leave me alone I just want to ride my bike.
  2. “I am fine” – I am severely wounded.
  3. “I’ll be fine” – I am severely wounded but don’t want to go home yet.
  4. “I’ll probably be fine” – I probably need to go to hospital.
  5. “Nice jersey” – You look ridiculous.
  6. “It’s not quite the same now, is it?” – When did everyone get faster than me?

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