It was a quiet night in the pub. People were sipping their pints of Guinness, mindlessly flicking between conversations and the TV when this sport came on. And the whole pub ground to a halt.
Introducing Timbersports. Yes, it's lumberjack sports competition broadcast worldwide on TV. Needless to say, everyone in the pub was gripped, shouting and cheering for fellows called Dirk and Brock who were pretty handy with the chainsaws.
We think you will love Timbersports too. Here's why...
1) Everyone Secretly Wants To Be A Lumberjack Athlete
Who would have thought that the second longest running sport on ESPN is Timbersports?
Yes, there's an amateur (collegiate) league and a professional league where fellas from all over the world come to chop wood (quickly, might I add) on TV.
With 20 million viewers over 62 countries, you can't argue with that.
2) Watching People Cut Wood Is Bizarrely Mesmerising
Staring at countless clips of folk sawing neat carrot-like slices of wood with one flick of a chainsaw makes for strangely compelling viewing.
3) These Guys Are Truly Talented
Could you slice identical circles of wood - each six inches thick precisely - in a matter of seconds? Or bash two wooden springboards into a vertical log before chopping the top off?
We didn't think so. It might look easy but holy moly it's not.
4) You Don't Have To Be A Gym-Mad Health Freak To Win
Like darts and snooker players, you don't have to have six-pack abs to win. Being over the age of 40 isn't a disadvantage in the slightest.
These guys are more likely to be found sinking pints in a tavern and biting the heads off live ducks than eating vegan superfood salads while hitting the treadmill.*
5) You Can Earn Six-Figures In Prize Money Every Year
Yep, these guys win big bucks for their achievements in the sawing and hacking department. A total of $200,000 prize money is offered in the USA every year.
So you can actually earn a decent living as a professional lumberjack. Time to get practicing with that chainsaw...
6) It's Probably The Most Manly Sport On TV
Rugby players have the brawn. Surfers have the balls. Tennis players have the finesse. Football players have... well... the art of amateur dramatics.
But no one can take away the fact that sawing wood is by far the most manly sport on the planet.
7) The Athletes Are Real Characters
They are called things like Dirk and Brock and they mostly hail from places like America, Australia and Germany.
It's not unusual for them to weigh 275 pounds (19.6 stone), made up of pure muscle. They sweat a lot, love chainsaws and use hashtags like #KissMyAxe
8) You Can Become A Pro Lumberjack Yourself
Fancy trying your hand at chopping and sawing on the stage?
The Stihl Timbersports website has a handy guide to help you get started - from which axe you should buy to plans on building your own stand for chopping logs.
That said, it's not easy to become a world-class lumberjack. Either you have to have a family member who is already involved or join a college team. Still, never say never.
You can watch Stihl Timbersports live stream on their website
* This isn't technically true...