Buried beneath the streets of London, there’s an old book filled with Mpora proverbs. On page 17 of this dusty book, it says something like “Oi! You! Keep an eye out for crazy Russians because you never know what crazy stuff they’ll get up to next.” Ever since setting eyes on this ancient wisdom, Mpora has kept these words in their thoughts.
Why? Because barely a day goes by in which some Russian, presumably somewhere in Russia, doesn’t do something ridiculously crazy. We’re not sure if it’s the cold winter weather, or the type of breakfast cereal they have, that drives them to do so much reckless shit on such a regular basis but we do know that there’s videos to prove it.
1) Jumping Off A Five-Storey Building
Is this dangerous? Yes. Is this a crazy way to spend your time? Yes. Is this something we would recommend trying at home? No, absolutely not. Try telling any of that to a Russian youth, however, and they’ll laugh in your face and set fire to their underpants.
2) Train Seals To Be Soldiers (And Wear Hats)
I mean, really, what the hell is going on here?! Seriously, Russia, we need an answer. Don’t just sit there quietly, and pretend that this is normal. This is not normal. This is, quite frankly, weird and slightly unnecessary. If this is a secret weapon, and you’re planning to kickstart the Cold War again, just tell us already. We hate surprises.
3) Jet Ski + Inflatable + Crazy Russian = Flight
Ask a Russian if they think jet skiing is fun, and they’ll fall asleep right in front of you. They won’t mean this to be a rude gesture, it’s just that as far as your standard crazy-Russian is concerned jet skiing on its own is boring…really really boring. That’s why Russians try to spice it up, spice it up with flying-inflatable-things like the one here.
4) Shoot Live Ammunition At Each Other
This Russian training exercise is supposed to result in increased confidence levels for its participants. Personally, we can’t imagine anything knocking our confidence more than having bullets fired at our chest and past our face but then again…we’re not Russian so what do we know?
5) Climb Up Really, Really, Really High Structures
If the internet contained anymore videos of Russian youths dicking around at the top of high structures, they’d have to rename it; call it something like “Various Misadventures of Eastern European Urban Explorers…Interspersed With Funny Cat Videos.” We’ve put this clip here but, in all honesty, this is just a needle in a haystack of crazy Russian needles.
6) Crack Nuts With Their Foreheads
Y’ hungry? Y’ looking to eat some nuts? Sure, no problem, I got some nuts for you. What do you mean you haven’t got a nutcracker? You don’t need a nutcracker, to open some nuts. Don’t be a sucker, only suckers, noobs, and kooks open their nuts with a nutcracker. ‘ere, give ’em ‘ere and I’ll open ’em with me forehead. Y’ welcome.
7) Do Weird Stuff At The Beach
Doing weird stuff at a beach isn’t just a Russian thing. Virtually everyone, in their time, has done something weird at a beach. I, for one, once dug a 6ft hole at a beach…for fun. It was 30 degrees, it was Mexico, and rather than have fun in the swimming pool I spent my time digging a hole. But, were my actions weirder than this guy’s? Arguably not.
8) Go Surfing…On Moving Trains
And the award for Russia’s biggest rascal goes to…this guy! *points finger, nods head* Look, all jokes aside, we sort of understand. Public transport has been known to be overpriced, and the delays can be extremely irritating. That being said, surely your human life is worth too much to risk it on these type of shenanigans.
Welcome to Russia…where everyone does what they want.
9) Test Out Bomb-Proof Helmets…On Their Children
Boy: “Are you sure you know what you’re doing dad?”
Dad: “What do you mean?”
Boy: “I mean, are you sure it’s a good idea to shoot me in the head?”
Dad: “It’s the only way you’ll learn son. Now, put your helmet on.”
10) This Rooftop Russian Swing
‘Rooftop Russian Swing’ might sound like the kind of overpriced cocktail people you’d order in a swanky Covent Garden bar but, believe it or not, this is also the name Mpora have given to a surprisingly popular hobby in Eastern Europe. This activity might look sketchier than a GCSE art-student’s A3 sketchbook and, in all honesty, it is.