How to spot them: You won’t, at first – but once you do you’ll see them everywhere, doing sweet F.A. in a self-satisfied manner.

They’re walking on the treadmill, with no incline. They’re cycling on the reclining bike, reading Take a Break. Their hair is perfect, because they do not sweat. There is absolutely no benefit to them being here.

You want to shake them, you want to Zumba in their face, you want to whack their treadmill’s speed up to ‘waaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!’. But you do nothing.

Because secretly, you are a-feared by their dead-eyed stare and lack of perspiration. You have glimpsed the future, and it’s populated by blank-brained gym robo-zombies…