This morning, we checked our direct messages on Instagram. But not just our direct messages. We checked the “other folder” in our direct messages – the one that sucks in lost DM’s from around the internet; the ones that get sent out like hand-scribbled notes in bottles, cast into the sea to try and find their intended recipients through the waves, whales and plastic-bag booby traps of the great World Wide Web.

What we found there, in that dusty corner of the internet, was – *wipes away single tear* – truly beautiful. It was possibly the best direct message we have ever received. It is, dare we say, possibly the best direct message anyone has ever received in the history of direct messages.

It was this message below, from a star-crossed lover who had hit a wall, as we all do from time to time, and who for the purposes of this article and anonymity, we shall henceforth refer to as ‘Romeo’.

Romeo! Romeo! We are all Romeo. We have all been there. Or if we have not. We will be there in the future. And if you’re wondering, here is a hyperlink to the original bike puns article to which Romeo refers to.

Now, we do not know who the Juliet in question is in this circumstance, but, having only realised this message was in our DM’s a full week after it had arrived there, the Mpora team set to work immediately in a bid to help our dear Romeo.

If you are out there, Romeo, then we hope these help. And yes, we have deliberately stayed clear of using the word “ride” and several other obvious puns, because this a wholesome list so get your head out of the gutter.

Ask Mpora for bad puns, and bad puns you shall receive…