Road Cycling

Cycling Chat Up Lines | 31 Bike-Related Pick-Up Lines That Are Wheelie Romantic

"I can’t handle-bars but I’d love to go on a cycling date with you..."

Photo: Getty Images

This morning, we checked our direct messages on Instagram. But not just our direct messages. We checked the “other folder” in our direct messages – the one that sucks in lost DM’s from around the internet; the ones that get sent out like hand-scribbled notes in bottles, cast into the sea to try and find their intended recipients through the waves, whales and plastic-bag booby traps of the great World Wide Web.

What we found there, in that dusty corner of the internet, was – *wipes away single tear* – truly beautiful. It was possibly the best direct message we have ever received. It is, dare we say, possibly the best direct message anyone has ever received in the history of direct messages.

It was this message below, from a star-crossed lover who had hit a wall, as we all do from time to time, and who for the purposes of this article and anonymity, we shall henceforth refer to as ‘Romeo’.

Photo: Instagram / Screenshot

Romeo! Romeo! We are all Romeo. We have all been there. Or if we have not. We will be there in the future. And if you’re wondering, here is a hyperlink to the original bike puns article to which Romeo refers to.

Now, we do not know who the Juliet in question is in this circumstance, but, having only realised this message was in our DM’s a full week after it had arrived there, the Mpora team set to work immediately in a bid to help our dear Romeo.

If you are out there, Romeo, then we hope these help. And yes, we have deliberately stayed clear of using the word “ride” and several other obvious puns, because this a wholesome list so get your head out of the gutter.

Ask Mpora for bad puns, and bad puns you shall receive…

1) I wheelie, wheelie want to ask you out on a date.

2) I Tour de Francy you.

3) I can’t handle-bars but I’d love to go on a cycling date with you.

4) We should book a hotel Froome.

5) If you were my girlfriend, I promise I’d never tyre of you.

6) Did I just go over my handlebars? Cause I’m head over heels for you!

7) You know what my favourite thing about cycling with you is? Go back and read the first word.


8) Girl. We need to get you to the bicycle repair shop because you’re off the chain.

9) I hope you’re not spoke-n for.

10) Your heart is like Sir Chris Hoy’s medal cabinet. Full of solid gold.

Sir Chris Hoy takes gold, the same material from which your partner’s heart is made. Credit:

11) I don’t know how to make a mixtape so I got you a new cassette.

12) Wanna go cycling together? Just swear you won’t go braking my heart?

13) I’m blinded by love for you! And on that note we’ll need to take a tandem today because I literally cannot see a thing, and am also severely love drunk, which while cute does not bode well for traffic lights.

14) Cycle with me? I feel like I’m on a whole other gear when I’m with you!

15) Unicycle? Girlllll! How about U-‘n’-I cycle?

16) I’ve always thought of you as the girl next Contador.

17) You’re like the brightest head torch on the darkest of days. You completely light up my world!

18) You’re nothing like Chris because with you I never feel Board, man.

19) Can I cycle in your slipstream? My parents always told me to follow my dreams…

20) My love for you is like Lance Armstrong’s use of drugs. It has been going on for a long time now and I am completely unashamed and un-repenting in finally admitting it.

21) …and to think I only met you after bringing my bike in so you could set my wheels straight. True love!

22) I’m actually a great chef as well as a cyclist. Come over Friday and I’ll [Nicole] Cooke your favourite [Mark] Caven-dish? (not intended in a cannibalistic way)

Mark Cavendish. We’ll be the first to admit that this particular pun was a bit of a stretch. Photo: Getty

23) They say love will find a way. But I forgot my Garmin and have got severely lost on my way over to your house, please send help. Love you.

24) I keep falling off my mountain bike while waiting for you to call. I can’t handle the suspension.

25) They say the course of true love never did run smooth but I’d ride over cobbles for you.

26) You’re like a penny farthing – you make me feel like I’m 100ft tall!

27) I could be like your Brompton! I’m not that cool but you can take me anywhere.

28) Did you fall from the Evans? As it looks like they’re missing an angel.

29) I’d ride on only my front wheel to the endo the earth for you.

30) I’m nothing like the cyclists on the 90s Tour de France – I won’t be cheating on you!

31) Roses are red, my face is too, this only happens when I cycle with you.

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