6) You can forget about your morning coffee
I’m sure there are bearded hipster baristas in Leeds who’ll try and replicate what you’re used to, but honestly what are you doing drinking coffee in the home of Yorkshire Tea?
7) West Riding and East Riding don’t mean what you think
Don’t find yourself heading merrily off to North Riding in the mistaken belief that that’s the way the err… riders have headed.
I know this is a bike race, but Riding means something different in Yorkshire. Don’t ask me why, it just does.
8) Forget the English you learned at school
It’s not just the riding thing that’s funny oop north. You’ll find that some things – like the continuing use of “thou and thee” (that’s “tu and te” to you) – will make more sense to your French ears.
But otherwise you may as well give up on trying to understand them. Sentences like “I were waiting 10 while 6 so in t’end I did it me sen” are impenetrable to most English people.
You don’t stand a chance I’m afraid.
9) Don’t correct a local. Or challenge them to an arm wrestle
Despite the fact that you might have a better grasp of actual English grammar than the locals, it doesn’t pay to correct them. As well as being tight, Yorkshiremen are notoriously stubborn.
“As well as being tight, Yorkshiremen are notoriously stubborn.”
This is partly what makes people them great cyclists of course – the point blank refusal to give up. But under no circumstances should you challenge a local to a an arm wrestle.
Not only will you be there all night, but they’re also bastard strong. “Yorkshire born and Yorkshire bred, strong in arm but thick in head.”
10) Don’t get lost and land up in Hull
The city’s name is just one vowel away from hell – and with good reason.
You know that bit in the Lion King where Simba asks “but what about that shadowy patch?” Hull is like that. You must never go there.
11) Don’t mention the ‘T’ word.
If there’s one piece of advice you should take from this article, it’s this: Never, under any circumstances, should you mention the woman who was Prime Minister of the UK between the years of 1979 and 1990.
“She-who-must-not-be-named” was more of a bitch to Yorkshire than she was to the rest of the country (which is saying something!) The locals haven’t forgotten it.
Short of grabbing the kestrel off a young boy’s shoulder and wringing its neck in front of him, there’s nothing more offensive you could do than talk about her.