1) At least one of your bikes is worth more than your car.
2) You wear a Team Sky jersey for the cycle to work, and refer to the group at traffic lights as “the peloton”.
3) Guests have to turn sideways to get past the bikes in your hallway.
4) You spend more time with your bike than you do with your other half.
5) You are obsessed with carbon, and considering taking chemistry evening classes to better understand the properties of various composites.
6) If you’re a man you have (on more than one occasion) contemplated shaving your legs.
7) If you’re a woman you have (on more than one occasion) found yourself admiring the thickness of your thighs in the mirror.
8) You judge everything based on how aero-dynamic it is. Even the child’s safety seat on your shopper bike.
9) You feel like a teenager in the first flurry of love, constantly reaching for your phone with bated breath to check… if anyone has beaten your current record on Strava.
10) Your War on Chafing has lasted longer than the West’s War on Terror.
11) You have tried every chamois cream, at least one of which has caused a rash that made you question whether or not you had an STD.
12) Speaking of rashes, you’ve accepted that road rash and visible grazes are a rite of passage. If you’re not crashing, you’re not trying hard enough right?
13) You check out every bike that cycles past you and can name every single one of their components. And of course, how expensive they are.
14) You feel more comfortable in lycra than you do in any of your other clothes.
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