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28 Things Every Bouldering Beginner Thinks About The First Time They Try It

Remember your first time? Of course you do. Nobody forgets losing their bouldering virginity.

Bouldering is awesome. Seriously awesome. It challenges the body. It challenges the mind. It…well…it’s just rad, and if you think differently – you’re wrong. You’re just wrong, OK?

Bouldering for Beginners | Everything You Need To Know About Bouldering

So, maybe you’re a bit of an old hand when it comes to bouldering. Or maybe you’ve only been half a dozen times. Maybe you live at a bouldering centre, and the owners of the bouldering centre haven’t found out yet. We don’t know. What we do know is that everyone who considers themselves to be a boulderer were rookies once upon a time. There’s always a first time, after all. Remember yours?

This, right here, is what’s happening inside the head of every single bouldering beginner.

1) How much chalk is too much chalk?

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

2) Can I go yet, or is that person too close?

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

3) I don’t know what to do with my feet

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

4) I don’t know what to do with my hands

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

5) OK. Keep your cool. You got this

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

6) Remember your very brief training

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

7) Alright, I’m bouldering. I’m literally bouldering!

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

8) It might be on the easiest grade, but who cares?

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

9) I AM BOULDERING. I AM A BOULDERER

bouldering for beginners
Photo: iStock.

10) Right, so how do I get back down?

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

11) I think I might be stuck

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

12) Yeah, I’m definitely stuck

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

13) No need to panic, I’m sure there’s…

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

14) …OH GOD. THERE IS LITERALLY NO WAY DOWN

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

15) Help

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

16) HELP!

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

17) Why can nobody see that I’m in desperate need of help?

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

18) Might as well face it. I’m up here forever now

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

19) I am going to grow old and die on this bouldering wall

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

20) “Jump,” they say. Hahahaha! There’s no way I’m jumping

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

21) I am quite tired though

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

22) Maybe I should just jump?

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

23) Fuck it. I’m just going to jump. Goodbye cruel world

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

24) AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

25) Oh, well that was remarkably painless

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

26) Bouldering is fun. Let’s do some more bouldering.

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

27) Hang on

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

28) Who the fuck is that, and how did they get to be so good?

Bouldering For Beginners
Photo: iStock.

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