1) Put Some Money Aside Each Month

Saving money is the Buzz Killington to spending money’s naked foam party. It’s boring and, more often than not, means you’ll be having tinned soup and dust for lunch instead of buttery lobster in a champagne glaze. But, what you lose in the short term in terms of fun times and lobster, you’ll make up for in the long term when you finally get round to shredding the slopes at a seriously pimpin’ Alpine resort.

Who knows? Doing things this way, you might even unearth a previously unknown passion for accounting and Microsoft Excel. You’ll calculate monthly earnings, implement austerity measures on yourself (if the government hasn’t already kicked you in the face with that chunky leather boot), and realise that caviar is a luxury you can probably do without.

3) Ask Mum And Dad

Ah, yes, mum and dad. They’ve always got money, haven’t they? They made you, they raised you, and they’ve got more gold than a Spandau Ballet lyric sheet (presumably). But don’t just go cap in hand to their door like a Victorian pauper, especially if you’ve failed to return any of their phone calls in the last three months. That’s not a good way to do business and, quite frankly, it makes you look like a pretty shitty son/daughter.

No. If you want to get donations from mum and dad , you need to do some groundwork first. Be exceedingly nice to them at all times, compliment mum on her new hair and compliment dad on his model train set. Casually drop into conversation how much you’d love to hit the mountains this winter but that the inflated cost of city living has made it an impossible dream. Then stick your bottom lip out like a sad puppy dog, and wipe a salty tear from your eyeball.

Maybe your parents will take pity on you and offer financial support, maybe they’ll see right through your amateur dramatics and laugh you out of town; whatever happens, at least you tried.

4) Rob A Bank

Woah! Woah! Woah! Hold your horses. How did we end up here?! One minute we’re selling our old DVDs out of a soggy cardboard box and asking mum and dad for money, the next we’re holding up a local branch of Barclays with a banana we’ve cunningly disguised as a handgun.

Look, obviously this isn’t the ideal solution to your financing problem and it’s definitely not something we’d recommend lightly (what with it being a highly illegal activity etc etc). However, one thing we can all agree on is that banks have lots and lots of money stored within their vaults. Money that’s just asking to be spent on ski passes, equipment hire, and beer.

6) Print Your Own Money

Printing your own money and then tricking people into accepting it as legitimate currency might seem harmless but, like robbing a bank, it’s definitely frowned upon by the law (it’s illegal, and you probably shouldn’t do it). That being said, imagine how awesome it would be to rock up at the travel agents and “make it rain” with your own personal currency.

You could superimpose your face on the Queen’s head, make the notes glow-in-the-dark like tacky Halloween decorations, and buy anything your heart desired. There is, of course, a chance that nobody will accept your fake money. In this fairly likely scenario, go home, fill your bathtub with your ‘shittings’ (shit shillings) and bathe yourself like a big time millionaire.

7) Do A Season

Yes! Of course. Why didn’t we think of this already?! You can literally live in the mountains, work in the mountains, and have fun in the mountains for months at a time rather than for days. Sure, you might have to do some cooking and cleaning along the way but you’ll also get to go skiing pretty much everyday. What could be better than that?

Combine financially rewarding employment with the sheer pleasure of being in an environment where you can ski all the time and what are you left with? You’re left with a recipe for success, that’s what. Ditch the UK immediately and spend your entire winter up in the mountains. Go on. You know you want to.

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