If you’re anything like us, in the months leading up to winter you’ll inevitably spend some of your time staring forlornly out of the nearest available window; daydreaming about skiing/snowboarding through the freshest pow imaginable. Sometimes, when we’re letting our minds wander like this, we’ll end up shouting out things like “Nice carve, dude” only to realise then that we’re still in the office and there’s a very important business meeting happening on the table next to us. Such is life.
Anyway, one mildly amusing way of time-killing in the months leading up to another season of mucking about in the white stuff is by downloading a skiing/snowboarding game for your phone and then playing it through squinted eyes. Heck, if you squint hard enough while playing next to an open fridge you might be able to momentarily trick your brain into thinking you’re actually skiing/snowboarding in real life.
“Time has lost all meaning now. You and this very addictive game have merged…”
To help you separate the good snow games from the less good snow games, we’ve tested out 10 of the most popular ones currently available on app shops like the Play Store. And then, because playing them didn’t really feel enough like work, we’ve written down our thoughts on them; thoughts, which if you so choose, you can look at below.
1) Skiing Yeti Mountain
“What are you doing?” says your girlfriend, as you crouch over your phone on the sofa in a state of heightened concentration; sweat dripping from every pore, tongue stuck out at a slight angle like midfield maestro Xavi when he’s making yet another defence splitting pass.
Your silence takes on a life of its own, expanding into every corner of the room.
Time has lost all meaning now. You and this very addictive game have merged, become one with each other; totally synced. Your girlfriend’s leaving you. Of course she is. She’s packing up her things and getting ready to walk out the front door, never to return. But it’s alright. It’s all going to be alright. You have ‘Skiing Yeti Mountain’, and that’s all you’ve ever needed.
2) Alpine Ski III
‘Alpine Ski III’ is a third-person skiing game where you control a skier by tilting your phone from side to side in a way that’d amaze/terrify your grandparents in equal measure. The rigid skier moves like he’s in desperate need of a prostate exam and the graphics have that whole PS1 thing going on which’ll make you yearn for that time in your life when all-night Crash Team Racing marathons, fuelled by unhealthy levels of Sunny Delight, was part of your reality.
Best thing about the game? Probably the hilarious way your skier curls up in the snow after crashing into a tree. Weighed down by life. Weighed down by an unshakeable feeling he’s merely a puppet on a string; controlled by forces beyond his world, he simply collapses. Poor bastard.